


Feel My Heartbeat

by Mayonaka_no_Tenshi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dancing, Fireworks, M/M, Meta, Pining, Pole Dancing, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, filling in the blanks, thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2018-11-12 11:57:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11161374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayonaka_no_Tenshi/pseuds/Mayonaka_no_Tenshi
Summary: One man has been chasing his dream since childhood, but stumbles just as he's about to reach it and isn't sure he wants to continue.Another has already achieved all his dreams and worries there's nothing left.Maybe together they can find the reasons they need to forge a new path forward.(My take on the canon storyline)





	1. If it weren't for me, maybe I'd be okay

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic was born out of the fact that I've seen this show way too many times and read way too much meta. I'm also a sucker for details and really getting inside the heads of my favorite characters. 
> 
> This pretty much follows the canon storyline but more. I just had the desire to fill in as many blanks as I could.

A heartbeat is not something one tends to notice most of the time, not as long as nothing’s wrong anyway.

Unfortunately, at this moment, so many things were wrong and the painful pounding in his chest is not letting Yuuri forget it.

The thing is, this moment is one he’d been fighting to reach for half his life, literally. Here he is, at the Grand Prix final, after years and years of work and dreams. He’s about to take to the ice for the freeskate, the same ice that Victor Nikiforov would also be skating on. This was his dream and it’s finally coming true… and he’s pretty sure he’s never felt worse.

Several minutes later, as he steps back off the ice, he wishes he still only felt as bad as before he’d stepped onto it, because now he absolutely knows he’s never felt worse.

It feels like his whole world is crashing down on him. His best friend is gone, his dearest dream is crushed, and he’s embarrassed himself in front of the entire world. All he can do now is pray Victor wasn’t watching.

Despite all his misery, he still watches his idol perform, a demonstration of that perfect grace he’s been trying to emulate his entire life and which _he’d_ just demonstrated his utter failure at.

Even though it all feels as if everything’s coming to an end, he can’t help remembering the very beginning, the very first time he’d seen Victor skate, in the lobby of Ice palace with his childhood friends, Yuko and Takeshi, watching the Junior World Championships on an old tv. He can still remember Yuko’s excited cries as Victor had entered the screen, causing her to jump up and block his view so he couldn’t see what she was getting so excited about.

A moment later, however, she’d moved just enough to reveal a flash of silver hair shining against shimmering black and then the powerful grace of the skater on the screen came gliding into view, moving across the ice as if he were flying, arms outstretched like the wings of some yet undiscovered bird, born to soar on the ice.

In that moment he’s sure his heart actually stopped for several beats before beginning to pound, trying to catch up with itself.

As the blood rushed through his head, a mix of disbelief and wonder, he’d stared transfixed at the figure still skimming effortlessly across the ice. The boy skating was beautiful in that unreal way one would imagine faeries to be. But the skating… The skating took that beauty and turned him into the truly magical creature he was watching now.

Even after having watched Victor skate countless times since then, watching the performance being given now, gave him a very similar feeling. There would never be anything quite like Victor’s skating, nor Victor himself. This was the dream he’d chased for so long, to count himself worthy of sharing the ice on the international stage alongside the greatest man ever to have graced a rink, and he’d completely blown it.

He left the rink behind as the cheers filled the rink. He already knew Victor would take the gold, while he would remain firmly lodged in last place

Once the final results are announced, all he can feel, at first, is numb. Unable to resist checking the news he finds they are already speculating on his possible retirement and he barely hears anything Celestino says to him as he sits out in the hall, just waiting for it all to be over.

He’d tried, he really had. As he’d slid out onto the ice, he’d done his best to focus on just the feel of the ice and the music the way he should. He knows the steps and at the start he flows into those effortlessly, but as he anticipates each jump, he remembers. He remembers his mistakes, his fears, his losses, he remembers all those back home who had supported him and how they were waiting to see him succeed. He thinks of Victor, who might have even been watching. This was his chance to show Victor what he could do. He thinks of Vicchan who he will never see again.

He remembers the long road that brought him this far, the support of his friends and family, the long hours of training, the sacrifices of leaving behind his home in Japan, and everything he had known, and now it seems as if it had all been a waste. He’d managed to get so close, but once that final test came, it turned out he wasn’t able to overcome his true weakness.

Maybe he can learn to just accept that all those years of dreaming really were for nothing, but after everything others had done to support him in them... The weight of knowing they would be disappointed in their belief in him becomes too much, a weight that threatens to pull him under, and his own disappointment only adds to it. He begins to wonder why he’d even tried.

He sneaks away to the bathroom to make the call he’s been dreading but he’d promised he would call and he know’s it’s getting late there.

His mother is kind on the phone, offering him encouraging words and support, as always, but all he can feel is that he has let everyone down

The moment he ends the call he just can't seem to contain things anymore, the tears that had been threatening, suddenly fall in scattered splashes as he does his best to muffle his feelings, even as they threaten to swallow him up. Crying after a competition is nothing new, but somehow it feels so much worse this time, the immensity of his failure and the loss of his friend, his inability to overcome his own mental weakness even after all this time. The feeling that the years of work had all be a waste of time. It leaves him feeling raw and aching inside.

The sudden 'BANG' and shuddering of the walls all around him bring him back out of his own despair, heart pounding in the wake of the shock. He quickly takes in his surroundings and realizes he must not be alone anymore. He'd been so lost in his own feelings he hadn't heard anyone enter.

He scrambles to wipe the tears from his face and reset his skewed glasses before opening the stall door with an embarrassed apology.

It takes him a moment to realize who is standing right outside the stall door.

The slight figure of the Junior Champion, Yuri Plisetsky, somehow manages to be incredibly intimidating as he glares up at Yuuri through one clear green eye, the other hidden behind the long hair falling across his face. All he can do is stand there looking stunned as the boy insults him and yells right in his face before just walking back out of the bathroom again. Yuuri can only stare, somewhat dazed and utterly baffled by the encounter. He'd never met the younger skater before, but he certainly knows him by reputation. Surprisingly, the harsh words hardly affect him. He knows he'd performed badly, knows if he did retire there'd be any number skaters, like Yuri Plisetsky, ready to take his place. Perhaps that's what he should do. Perhaps he should just get out of the way of those who deserve to be there.

His morose thoughts continue to haunt him later as he walks with his coach to the exits. He can't seem to focus on anything else, mind drifting again, and tears threatening, even as Morooka questions him about his now uncertain future.

"Yuri.”

The sound of his name combined with that voice, however, immediately grabs his attention as his entire focus shifts towards the speaker, eyes locked on the passing figure of Victor only a short distance away. It is quickly apparent he's talking to the other Yuri in the quick flow of Russian that follows, but Yuuri just can't look away, taking in the image of his inspiration. He wishes he could have had the chance to speak to him, to...

He gives a start as, suddenly, bright blue eyes turn to meet his, a warm smile spreading across that perfect face, "How about a commemorative photo?”

Yuuri can only stare in confusion.

"Come on," Victor says with a small wave of friendly invitation.

With hardly another thought Yuuri turns around and walks away. Embarrassment floods him as he makes his way to the exit, his own unworthiness in the face of the man he'd admired for so long following him all the way back to the hotel. How long had he dreamed of being able to stand beside the great Victor Nikiforov, to have a picture taken together? But the very idea of standing beside greatness with nothing but his own failure... And the fact that Victor Nikiforov was taking pity on him, because why else would someone like him ever want to be in a photo with someone so far beneath him? Yuuri just wants to forget all of it.

 

* * *

 

Unfortunately forgetting doesn’t seem to be an option.

With the events of the day still so heavy on his mind it seems like all he can do is remember, the emptiness of his hotel room seeming to simply echo with the bitter memories.

He pulls out his phone and sees the lock screen photo he’d put up in memory of Vicchan. It was probably a mistake to do that because he can already feel the tears gathering from seeing the picture before him.

He remembers the day he’d gotten Vicchan. He’d been over the moon when his parents gifted him the adorable and ever friendly puppy. Over the years, Vicchan had been his most devoted friend, the one he felt he could tell anything to, the one who would never be disappointed in him. But then Yuuri had left, moved to America without any way to really explain himself to the innocent canine, and when Vicchan had needed him the most, Yuuri hadn’t been there.

It was that fact that probably hurt the most. It was too late now, and there was no way he’d ever be able to make it up to his friend.

He cried over Vicchan for some time, tears staining the hotel pillow he held to him, but as he calmed down his mind drifted to all the things that had gotten him to this point.

Victor may have been who inspired him to reach so high, but the idea to start skating had been inspired by others.

He’d started dancing almost as soon as he could walk, and his teacher Minako, had suggested skating might be good for him too.

He remembers his first time at the rink, how nervous he’d been, how cold the air had felt on his skin. He’d clung on to his mother for some time, afraid to let her go until a young girl, slightly older than him came to talk to him.

The first time he met Yuko she had smiled and instantly made him feel at ease, eventually convincing him to join her on the ice, promising she wouldn’t let him fall even once. That first time she had held his hands all the way around the rink, clapping for him when he’d made it back to the starting point.

It was that memory that had really gotten him on the road to becoming a figure skater. He’d loved Yuko’s kindness and beautiful smile from the start, the way she made him feel at ease and helped calm his nervousness. He’d started skating to be close to her, to see her smile, because it made him feel like he could do anything when she encouraged him.

At some point, years later, he realized he had a kind of crush on her. She was his best friend growing up, and spending time with her was only surpassed by skating. But she was older too, someone he looked up to, and he often just didn't feel quite worthy of her. Part of him thought that if he were good enough to compete against Victor someday, then maybe he'd be worthy of her too.

In the end things didn't quite work out that way.

After he’d discovered Victor and determined to one day become good enough to share the ice with his now idol, Yuko had continued to cheer him on every step of the way. He’d become more focused too though, spending more time training than before, now that his reasons for being there had shifted. Not only did he want to skate at the same level as Victor, but the ice itself became more and more a place he wanted to be.

He loved it when he was the only one on the ice and the rink was quiet, the only sound that of his skates cutting through the crisp surface of the ice beneath them, the cold air brushing past him as he slid smoothly across that frozen plane. It was a peaceful escape, even when he was at his most stressed or worried, he could find comfort there. He could find freedom. He could find himself.

He spent so much of his time and energy over the following years on the ice. His walls filled with the images of Victor he collected, unable to resist trying to get his hands on anything about his idol that was available. He spent hours gazing at this images, thinking about the day he would be on that same ice. When he practiced, sometimes he'd imagine himself competing against Viktor. The idea was daunting, but it was also exciting. Imagining himself good enough to even have such an opportunity, to prove himself to his idol, drove him forward, to keep pushing himself beyond what he'd ever thought he could be capable of.

When he did start competing however, it had been a whole new set of challenges. It was hard at first having all those eyes on him, judging him, looking for every flaw and mistake.

Eventually he learned that if he tried to forget about all the people, and keep his focus only on the ice and the music, he could actually get through his programs. He even stopped wearing contacts so he didn’t have to see the eyes as they followed him across the ice. Once he’d learned to maintain this kind of focus, that was when he started winning.

It wasn’t always easy though. There were plenty of times his nerves continued to get the better of him. When they did his losses hit him hard, filling him with frustration and causing him to question himself again and again.

Then again, even his successes worried him, made him wonder if it wasn't just some lucky accident. Did he really deserve to win? His jumps were still weak, he was technically lacking, he couldn’t help thinking, next time surely, he would be overcome. Even so, he kept going, trying to take that next step to get him a little closer to his dream, or at least keep from completely embarrassing himself.

Success did come steadily though and eventually it led to the opportunity of moving to America to train under a coach that would be able to continue guiding him down that path towards his dreams.

He was unsure at first the coach would accept him, but even after those fears had been allayed he’d had to take some time to really think about it. He would have the opportunity to go to school and train in America, but he would have to leave his family, and friends, and everything familiar behind.

He’d sat in his room thinking through all the possibilities, all his hopes, and all his fears. The whole time, the face of Victor Nikiforov gazed down at him from every wall.

Tired from all the thoughts that kept spinning through his head he finally just looked up and stared at one of the posters before him, thinking of Victor and wondering what choice his idol would make. Of course, that answer was obvious, and Yuuri knew if he really did want to share the ice with the skater that graced nearly every surface of his bedroom walls, to meet those piercing blue eyes for real and not just on paper, to achieve the dream that had already gotten him this far, then he would have to take this chance and see what he could make of it.

And he had gone to Detroit, had taken the leap, left his whole world behind to begin again with the chance to keep moving towards the dream that had all but taken over his life.

For the first few weeks away, the separation from those he cared about; learning to navigate the strange new environment of America; getting used to new people, new food, a whole new culture, and a language he still struggled with, had him deeply questioning his decision to move in the first place. Despite working under a new coach and training hard, it seemed as though he was skating worse than ever.

Only a few weeks in and he was on the brink of giving up.

He had trouble making friends, his uncertainly with English, making him even more shy and withdrawn than usual.

It was harder to find an escape on the ice either. The facility was often busy and the hours of operation were strictly kept. Done were the quiet evenings with the ice all to himself.

Fortunately, it was around that time that Phichit arrived. The young skater from Thailand was so open and cheerful, breaking right through Yuuri’s walls as if they weren’t there, resulting in them becoming friends almost immediately. Everything became easier after that. Somehow, after only knowing the boy for only a few days, Yuuri lost much of his self-consciousness when in his presence. With Phichit at his side, he’d been able to get to know the new city better and begin to make a place in it for himself, even making a few casual friends at the rink and in his classes.

These memories flow through his mind, the long path of events that had led him to this point here, and for what? He’d spent all that time, only to fail when it mattered the most. If he’d known at any point during that time, how it would end up, would he even have tried?

He mulls the question over and finds he really isn’t sure. His life has so long been consumed with skating and he can’t seem to imagine how it might have been different if he’d made the decision to stop anywhere along that path. What would he have done instead? Probably stayed in Japan and worked at the onsen like his sister. Would he have been happier that way? What about the people he’d met and the experiences he’d had since moving to America? Would it have been better if he’d never had any of that? Would it be worth losing all that if he never had to face the defeat of today?

Tonight, with the day still so fresh in his mind, he just isn’t sure, but he also has to wonder where he could go from here. If he doesn’t skate, what will he do?

He lies there still clutching the pillow to him, the memories and questions slowing until, emotionally drained, he finally drifts into sleep.

 

 

He wakes the next morning feeling heavy and groggy. It takes him some time to remember where he is but once he does he wishes he didn’t.

His failure hits him all over again. He doesn’t know why his mind seems intent to punish him like this, forcing him to relive these worst moments, when all he wants to do is forget.

He’d trained so hard this year and gotten respectable scores in the qualifying events that allowed him to finally participate in the Final. It had all been going so well, a couple weeks ago he’d been so hopeful, he should have known it was too good to be true.

He checked the time on his phone, the familiar image of Vicchan appearing again. He really should change the picture.

That one piece of news, the call from Mari telling him what happened, his mothers tearful apologies just after, the hollow numb feeling that hit him as the reality of what they were saying sunk in. It had changed everything.

He hadn’t been able to focus after that, mourning and guilt with him constantly. Nothing Celestino or Phichit tried to do or say seemed to have any effect and his performance in practiced suffered immensely.

Those final days leading up to the Final passed in a kind of daze until he'd found himself here, at the Grand Prix, with five other amazing skaters, including the man whose career he had followed for years; the man that had inspired him to fight hard enough to get here.

For the first time, they were in the same place, competing on the same level, and every time Yuuri had seen Victor, he’d had trouble looking away, that is, until Victor looked towards him and then it was as if he couldn’t escape fast enough. He somehow couldn’t bear to let Victor look at him, let alone try and speak to his idol.

Then came the freeskate, which he’d bombed completely, only to be faced with his idol afterward and being too ashamed to even respond to the offer of a photo.

He hated himself so much right now and all he wanted to do was go home and forget everything. He definitely doesn’t want to go to any of the events scheduled today.

He tries to get out of going, hoping Celestino will be merciful and let him spend the day in his hotel room instead, insisting that no one will miss him if he isn’t there.

His requests are fruitless however and that afternoon he’s back at the rink, watching the exhibitions with a kind of blank numbness. Still, the worst is the banquet. He'd done everything he could to try to get out of that at least but Celestino insisted that he had to attend.

He's miserable as he walks in among the crowd of beautiful people, praying that he might somehow turn invisible. The feeling of so many eyes on him after his abysmal performance the other day makes him seek out the shadows and concealed places with his eyes as his brain searches for some reason to let him run and hide in one of them.

As usual his coach tries to cheer him up and directs him towards the food tables.

He tries to eat a little at first, but doesn't have much appetite for once, and ends up grabbing a glass of champagne instead. It couldn't hurt to drink a little, now that the competition is over, he thinks. He takes a sip and discovers it's really quite delicious, the soft tingle of the bubbles vaguely pleasant. A minute later he reaches for another glass. Two should be fine, just enough that maybe he can relax enough to survive the rest of what is sure to be torturous night.

 

* * *

 

The next morning his head seems to be pounding in time with the knocking on his door as he blindly scrambles awake, flailing for his glasses. "Just a minute," he calls out as he hears his coach call his name from the other side of the door. He hadn’t thought it was possible to wake up even more miserable than he had the previous day, but it seems he is wrong again. He struggles to sit up and is nearly overcome by a wave of dizziness once he does. The night before must have been worse than he expected, he's glad he can't seem to remember much about it.

Fortunately the room is dim, the curtains closed and letting in only a sliver of sunlight. He glances over to the bedside table and spots his glasses next to a glass of water. Without looking he grabs the glasses and places them carefully on his face, eyes still half closed from sleep and a desire to keep out as much light as possible. He takes a slow breath and reaches over to take the water, bringing it to his mouth and sipping at it slowly.

"I'm coming," he replies in a rough voice to a repeat of the loud knocking at the door.

He climbs out of bed slowly, hoping the dizziness doesn't come back, only to realize he isn't wearing any pants. He sets the water back on the table and grabs the pair draped across the back of a nearby chair before heading for the door.

He doesn't see the slip of paper that falls from the table with a flutter, landing under the bed.


	2. Sweep me off my feet and teach me how to breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Victor's eyes, Yuuri changes everything

For as long as he can remember, Viktor’s heart had always been dedicated almost completely to the ice. It had often pounded eagerly in the thrilling elation of simply being on the ice. He’d felt it beat in that nervous but excited anticipation of performing a new program or attempting a new jump. There was also nothing like the feeling of achievement of reaching the podium, of taking the gold. The joy of knowing he’d given the audience something new and exciting even had it’s own special beat. Off the ice little seemed to really affect him, though Makkachin always seemed to bring him both joy and a kind of peace.

There had been a couple of brief periods in the past he thought might have been something like love, and a few others he knows weren't.

Now, as he stands at the top of the podium of the Grand Prix final yet again, he feels nothing but the practiced rictus grin he’d perfected for the cameras and audience.

He feels heavy and dead before them, nothing about the moment even seems real anymore. He'd been here before in this very place so many times until it had begun to feel like a dream he couldn't escape. All the smiling faces hiding what had become almost oppressive expectations for something he no longer knew how to give them.

As he finally leaves the ice behind, the cheers of the crowd slowly fading behind them, the heavy shadow that has been growing steadily over the last couple years follows him.

Here he is, at the height of his career, at a point every aspiring skater dreamed of reaching. The medals, the records, the fans, the sponsors, the fame, all of it and more were his. It was exactly what he himself had fought for for as long as he can remember. He'd overcome obstacle and injury to make it this far. He should be happy, he should be grateful, but somehow he just feels tired and empty.

At first he'd thought it was a passing thing and he just threw himself into training even more, hoping to push the feeling away. Yet every time he stopped for a moment it only came back stronger than before.

Even with the shadow of retirement looming he’d pushed on. Skaters younger than him have already moved on, but he can shake the feeling that he isn't done on the ice yet. Despite that, after all this time he isn't sure what he has left to give to the ice he hasn't already given. He watches the young up-and-coming skaters with envy as they fight to rise to all the places he has already been, and he has to wonder if there really is anything left for him here anymore. But if he left, what else would he have? The ice is all he knows, without it, he isn't sure who he would be any more.

He’s let the ice and his programs reshape him so many times to be what he needed to be to give the audience what they wanted, show them what he wanted them to see, what would he become, without any of that to give him his identity?

He changes out of his costume without really noticing what he’s doing, accepts the congratulations of his fellow competitors without truly hearing them and offering his own automatic compliments in return, automatic smile.

Everything feels like he’s just on automatic pilot tonight. He barely notices anything around them as he heads out into the hall where Yakov is waiting, Yuri Plisetky by his side complaining as usual as Victor tries to offer his advice. Yakov takes over in a much louder tone the moment they get to him, but the young skater’s eyes seem to be somewhere else entirely.

Curious, Victor follows the teen’s gaze to where it lands on the skater from Japan, Yuuri Katsuki.

It’s the first time Victor has had the chance to be this close to the other man, despite looking for a chance to meet him throughout the competition. Somehow, every time he’d caught sight of him, Katsuki seemed to disappear a moment later, it was actually quite frustrating.

Victor had been aware of the other skater for years, he generally made some note of the rising competition, always hoping for a real challenger to rise up among the ranks. It was hard to remember all of them, too many came and went to really be able to focus on all of them, but there hadn’t been that many notable asian skaters in recent years so Katsuki had stood out a bit when mention of him came up. Even so, this was the first time he’d had the chance to face off against the rising Japanese star and in his preparation for the Final, he’d watched several of Katsuki’s previous programs to get a better idea of what to expect.

At first he’d been struck by the grace with which the man could move, clean and complex step sequences that rivaled the highest ranking skaters. Jumps were inconsistent and clearly the reason the younger man hadn’t reached the top yet, but the potential was clear.

However, after watching a couple more he notices something familiar about each performance, a strange kind of deja’vous overcomes him and he continues watching until it hits him just what he’s seeing.

It’s in the way Katsuki executes of some of the moves, the way he holds his body, sometimes even his expressions; all of these come together and it becomes obvious: Yuuri Katsuki is a fan of Victor's work. Watching the younger skater move he sometimes feels as if they are his own movements, he can actually feel them, the way he’d practiced some of them himself over and over again. Yuuri must have studied Victor's performances consistently for years in order to be able to imitate some of these elements so perfectly. They are small things overall, things most people are unlikely to notice, but to Victor they speak clearly of someone who must have admired his own work for some time.

It’s not like it’s new for someone to try to imitate him, his programs have been copied and put online dozens of times over the years, sometimes fans sending him links on twitter so that he sees them. This is different though, these are original programs, and none of it feels copied, it’s more as if elements of Victor’s style have been adopted and modified into something completely new, and he has to admit he quite likes the result.

From that moment he actually started to look forward to the final a little, eager to face off against someone who had clearly used him as a model for their own skating. He’d also found himself just wanting to meet the man, curiosity more than a little piqued, especially when none of his friends in skating seemed to know much about the Japanese entry.

One surprise, however, had been when he’d discovered young Yuri studying one of he very same videos Victor had watched not long before. From then on it became apparent that the young skater, who’d never been known to openly admire any other skater, Victor included, was a fan of Katsuki. Unfortunately, Victor had been unable to get anything out of the generally angry teen about him either, just the usual shouting to mind his own business as Yuri skated away.

Now, he finally had Yuuri Katsuki here in front of him, looking right at them, it was the perfect opportunity for them all to get acquainted.

“How about a commemorative photo?” he asks, smiling brightly, eager for a chance to speak to the younger man.

The other skater seems genuinely surprised at the invitation, eyes going wide.

"Come on," Victor says, still smiling and waving him over encouragingly.

When he sees the other skater’s face fall in a look of abject misery before just turning and walking away without a word, he’s left absolutely baffled. He’s at a complete loss as he watches the retreating figure of Yuuri Katsuki treads heavily all the way to the exit.

Had Victor said something wrong? No one has ever rejected his company like that before, but what really sticks with him most is that flash of profound pain he'd seen in the young man's eyes. He can't help but wonder at it's source.

The memory of the moment haunts him all the way back to the hotel room.

He’s well aware that the young man had come in at last place, nerves at being at such an important event for the first time clearly having gotten to him. It was hardly the first time Victor had seen something like that happen, but he could only suppose it had hit Yuuri Katsuki especially hard.

Victor hoped he’d get another chance to see the man. He still wanted to meet him, and maybe he could offer some encouragement as well. He’d seen so much potential in the other man and wanted to see how far it could go.

 

 

He doesn’t get another chance to see Yuuri until the banquet. He’s been keeping his eyes peeled since entering the large ballroom already half filled with the night’s guests but has yet to catch sight of the young Japanese man.

In the end it’s Yuri who sees him first and Victor follows the teen’s gaze to where a clearly unhappy Katsuki is standing with his coach, who seems to be trying to cheer the young man up. Victor can't help the feeling of concern that rises up.

Unfortunately, there’s not much he can do right now. He’s glad to know Yuuri is here but the beginning of the evening is taken up with the obligations of greeting various sponsors and other bigwigs in the skating world, eager to get a little face time with the great Victor Nikiforov, effectively preventing him from actually going up to the other skater. Business always comes first at these things, and he know’s it’s important, career-wise, but it is one of the more tiresome parts of the job.

It doesn’t take long before the strain of having to answer the same questions again and again, all while holding onto the carefully crafted smile specifically meant to charm such people, begins to wear on him.

As his boredom with the proceedings increases, he finds himself looking around for Yuuri more frequently as the evening progresses, hoping to catch a glimpse of the other man, trying to keep track of him so that Victor can try to speak to him the moment he can finally get away. Victor manages to catch sight of him through the mingling crowd now and again. He sees him pour champagne down his throat on a few of these occasions and Victor continues to worry whether the other man is okay.

A short time later he's finally been let go, though Yakov had done so only so that he could find Yuri, the teen having apparently sneaked off somewhere, probably bored with the event as well, and having much less patience for such things than Victor does. He notices a small commotion at one end of the hall and heads that way only to come across the last thing he expected to see tonight.

The previously morose Japanese skater now inexplicably seems to be dancing. Not only is he dancing, but it's as if he owns the floor, body moving with such energy and conviction Victor almost forgets this isn't exactly appropriate for a formal banquet. By the time he does realize that fact, he is so captivated by the scene before him he doesn't really care. The next moment he’s pulled his phone out of his pocket, his only thought to capture this moment. Noticing the camera pointed his way, the dancer before him only seems spurred on by the attention he's getting.

The younger Yuri has apparently also been taking pictures of this display but a moment later Yuuri is pulling on the boy's sleeve, challenging him to a dance-off with such confidence Victor can't believe this is the same man who walked into the banquet so quiet and depressed.

"Of course I can beat you, bring it on!" Yuri shouts, apparently responding to some taunt Victor had missed. The teen taking to the dance floor, alive with his usual aggressive energy and competitive spirit. Yuuri takes a long drink from the half-full bottle of champagne in his hand before handing it off to the nearest random person before leaping back onto the dancefloor.

They are beginning to draw a little more attention now as people start to notice the commotion. Some look on disapprovingly but Victor notices several of the other skaters looking on with interest, and more cameras soon come out. Chris seems particularly thrilled with the turn of events, but he always did complain the most about these things being entirely too boring for his tastes and was usually the one organizing the afterparty.

What’s occurring on this impromptu dance floor is undeniably anything but boring. Victor can hardly take his eyes off the young Japanese skater; god, he can move! The rhythm of the music, paired with the energy of the display before him, becomes infectious and he can't help getting into it a bit himself.

When the song changes, Yuri finally stops, winded and panting, looking frustrated and angry to see his counterpart still dancing.

The song changes to some kind of Spanish guitar piece and the mood shifts as Yuuri takes on a posture like that of a flamenco dancer, a look in his eyes that Victor can only describe as seductive.

A nudge at his elbow and he turns to see Chris standing there, "Go on, you should join him," he says and then takes Victor's phone out of his hands, "I'll get pictures for you." With a nod, he nudges Victor forward.

It turns out that's all the encouragement he needs. Unable to contain himself any longer, Victor begins to dance as well, at first letting himself just go with the music but as his eyes continue to follow Yuuri, he quickly begins to mirror the other man's movements.

Yuuri quickly catches sight of his new dancing partner and sends over a smile that sends chills down Victors spine and his heart begins to beat in earnest now, as the two of them begin to move in sync, complementing each others movements.

Victor is lost in the music and the energy this man in front of him is giving off, letting himself surrender to the rhythm of the guitar and his own heart. They dance together, though they remain separate. When one moves forward, the other steps back, before they turn and circle each other in a silent confrontation that simultaneously draws them in towards each other bit by bit, each step, each turn, bringing them closer and closer together, eyes locked with every moment as they face each other.

When the Spanish piece comes to an end, strummed tones fading into nothing, they are only inches apart, frozen in their final attitude, eyes still fixed on each other with an intensity that has not diminished alongside the faded notes. In the silence following the final chord, he expects the young man before him to turn again, and move on to a new partner, there seem to be plenty of other eager observers now, but as the music changes again, a new rhythm, this time the heady beat of a tango, he catches a flash in Yuuri Katsuki's eye that seems to just hold Victor in place, and draw him in, as those eyes suddenly get much closer.

It feels so natural, so perfect, when he feels the arm move around his waist, the pressure of those fingers firmly guiding him into the next steps, he can't help but let himself melt a little into that touch. The hold on him is strong and sure, as he let's himself be led. They turn, and step, and glide across the floor, and Victor remains locked in the hold Yuuri Katsuki has on him. Time seems lost, measured only in heartbeats and breath, nothing but the music and their movements seems real at all.

The arms around him are warm and firm. He leans forward, leg thrown gracefully back, while the arm around his waist holds him tight so that he can feel the other man pressed against him from behind, their eyes still locked on each other. Momentum pulls them back around a moment later, and they’re turning again, a sweeping motion, dizzying and thrilling. Then another few steps and he's leaning back, leg kicked high, he can feel the heat of the hand on his thigh, and the one brushing across his face and into his hair leaves him breathless as a brilliant smile looks down on him, so close he can feel the young man's breath against his skin. His heart soars in elation he can't remember ever feeling before. He feels weightless, as if the heavens are pulling him up by strings that are guiding his movements, because he doesn’t seem to give them a single thought, all his attention on the angel before him.

Feet back on the floor but heart flying high, they turn again and again, circling each other but never breaking apart, pulling closer just as the final notes of the piece plays out.

They stand there staring into each other's eyes for a few moments, face to face, bodies close enough Victor can feel the heat coming through his suit from the other man, as they breath hard from the exertion. A moment later they’re both laughing in each other's arms from the thrill.

Victor can’t believe what just happened, it feels like some sort of dream. His heart is beating so fast and he can't remember a time he felt so good.

"That was amazing!" he tells the young man, trying to catch his breath as they continue to laugh.

"You're amazing," Yuuri responds, the first words he’s ever spoken to Victor, laughter stilling but smile no less bright.

Victor looks down to meet the shorter man's eyes again and his heart almost stops for a moment when he sees the look in them. It is not the first time he's heard those words directed at him, but it is the first he's heard them said in quite that way... From someone with a look in his eye like that...

But before he can come up with a response...

"Look what I found!" Chris shouts as he rolls in a pole and proceeds to set it up on it's stand with seemingly practiced ease, "It was in one of the ballrooms next door," he explains with a smile. "Care to challenge me on this?" he asks, pointedly looking at Yuuri.

The Japanese man immediately gets an excited look in his eye and turns back to Victor bringing his mouth close to Victor's ear, "Watch me!" he says in a tone clearly meant for Victor alone, before letting go and heading straight towards the pole, already working on removing his pants in front of an increasingly scandalized audience, though there are a fair number that seem to be enjoying this unexpected change of pace and cheer on this new development. There’s no way Victor would look anywhere else, his eyes belong to Yuuri tonight and the rest of him is not far behind.

What follows only heightens Victor’s already rapt attention on Yuuri. The man takes to the pole with just as much confidence as he had the floor. It's clear Chris has more technical skill in this form but, Yuuri's aggressive approach still dominates as he takes off his shirt too and shares the pole with the Swiss skater, muscles taut and defined, every move fluid. Yuuri looks over at Victor several times throughout, a piercing gaze to make sure Victor hasn’t look away, as if that were possible, and each time Victor’s heart almost stops as he tries to remember how to breathe.

Once the display ends, Yuuri releases the pole to bow along with Chris to the surrounding onlookers who also seemed to enjoy the show. A moment later, however, he seems to finally be showing the effects of all the alcohol saturated exertion, there's a sheen of sweat all over his body as he catches his breath, pulling his shirt back on and only managing to get one button closed before giving up and then attempting to remove the tie. The tie doesn’t get far when Yuuri gives up halfway, leaving it to hang across his forehead instead. As he turns his head, presumably to look for his misplaced pants, his eyes catch on Victor again and instead heads his way.

"Did you see?" the younger man asks, flushed and smiling up at him, grabbing onto Victor’s hands.

Victor just nods, a little dazed, still trying to process everything he's feeling as looks into the deep amber eyes before him, warm hands in his.

It was the last thing Victor expected when he finds himself suddenly in a tight embrace that pins his arms to his side, the smaller body pressed firmly against him, hips undulating enticingly against him so that his breath sticks in his throat.

"Victor..."

He looks down into the eyes shining up at him from that drunk and excited expression, a little shocked to hear his name for the first time from that voice.

"My family has a hot spring resort in Japan, won't you come after the season ends?" he asks, pulling back a little, "And if I win this dance off, will you be my coach?"

As far as he's concerned, this unbelievable man in front of him has already won, had won from the first moment Victor had seen him move. But be a coach...?

It's all Victor can do to stare into the brilliant brown eyes, so close to his and now slightly magnified through the lenses of the glasses over them, looking back into his own with such unabashed eagerness, while his heart pounds in his ears.

"Be my coach, Victor!" Yuuri shouts jubilantly, jumping to wrap his arms around the taller man's neck, clinging tightly.

He gasps at the second fervent request, not because of surprise, but something about the moment and the idea strikes him like a hammer to his stomach. The whole situation suddenly makes him feel as if he's losing his footing on the world.

However, before he can really take any of it in, there is suddenly an unexpected weight on his shoulders, as the man clinging to them slumps, apparently finally overcome with the effects of the evening's antics.

Victor puts his arms around the man's waist, helping to hold him up and prevent them both from falling, "Yuuri, are you okay?"

The only response he receives is more weight leaning against him, as the man's head drops to his shoulder.

Victor looks up, wondering what he should do and finally becomes aware of the room around them, the stares of the onlookers, some amused, others irritated and scandalized. It would probably be a good idea to get out of here.

"Yuuri, shall I help you back to your room?" Chris asks smoothly, coming up beside them.

"Chris!" Victor says, more forcefully than he'd intended, the sudden urge to protect this man still in his arms, body slumped against him, overcoming all other questions. Chris is a good guy, and Victor knows he wouldn't really do anything, but he doesn't feel right about handing Yuuri off to someone else just now, and truth be told, he just isn't ready to let go yet either.

Chris seems perfectly aware of this, however, because he just gives a quick wink in response to Victor’s outburst.

"I'll take care of him," Victor manages to gets out, a little more calmly, "Can you please find his pants and his jacket?"

Chris just smiles and goes off to grab the missing articles as Victor does his best to get Yuuri situated so he can actually walk. Once he has the missing clothing in one arm and a very drunk Japanese man in the other, they start to make their way out of the hall, leaving the staring crowd behind.

Fortunately, the banquet is being held in the same hotel the skaters are staying in. Yuuri manages to tell Victor which room he's in and the key card is found in one of the jacket pockets.

They are nearly silent all the way back to the room. Victor does his best to stay calm during the elevator ride, Yuuri’s body slumping against him, arms around his waist again, murmuring something that Victor assumes is in Japanese, because he can’t understand a word of it. It’s simultaneously a relief and a disappointment when they reach the correct floor. Heading back into the hall, the figure at Victor's side, so recently full of life, is now on the brink of passing out, making it difficult to hold him upright while trying to get the door open. Once they get inside, Victor helps Yuuri sit down on the bed before laying the jacket and pants out neatly on the back of a nearby chair. He gets a glass of water and makes Yuuri drink the whole thing before letting him finally lay down.

As he gently pulls off Yuuri's glasses, and removes the tie from his head, the other man finally speaks again, "Did I win?" he asks in a clearly tired voice on the edge of drifting off.

"You did. You were amazing," Victor says quietly, stopping himself at the last second from reaching out to brush his fingers across that softening expression.

Yuuri, on the other hand, does reach out and touches Victor in just the way he'd wanted to touch Yuuri, and he can't help the shuddering breath that comes out, heart pounding a new rhythm now.

Their eyes hold a moment before Yuuri speaks, voice surprisingly clear, "Will you come to Japan?"

Victor just looks at this astonishing, crazy man for a moment, meeting the tired eyes that are fixed on him, and wanting to lean over and kiss him so badly he almost can't breathe.

Instead, he reaches up and takes hold of the hand on his face holding it firmly in his own, taking a deep breath to try to calm the drumming in his chest and maintain control over the impulses now flooding his awareness, "Why don't we talk about that when you're feeling better?"

He grabs the paper and pen off the bedside table with his free hand, "I'm going to give you my phone number and email, okay? And I'd better see you at World's."

"Okay," Yuuri murmurs, eyes finally closing.

Victor continues to hold his hand as he watches Yuuri drop off to sleep, breath evening out, soft and steady. He's captivated to see how different Yuuri looks now; he looks so peaceful, and even younger. Is this really the man who walked away after the competition? Who seemed so sad at the beginning of the night? Who took Victor's breath away as they danced together? Who begged him to be his coach?

Victor is struck again by how much the whole thing feels like some kind of dream. Its as if the whole world had been in black and white, a bleak and empty place and now here before him is this bright splash of color that is Yuuri Katsuki.

It takes nearly a minute of him sitting there before he finally remembers himself and gently sets the hand he is still holding down across the sleeping figure's chest before simply staring a bit longer. After just watching Yuuri breathe for several long moments he writes out his contact information on the top sheet of the note pad before ripping it off and setting the paper under the glasses where it will be easy to find. He makes sure the curtains are closed completely, then goes and gets another glass of water and puts it on the table too. Finally, he gives one last glance back at the sleeping figure, "Call me soon, Yuuri," he says quietly before walking out, carefully shutting the door behind him.

He takes a deep breath as he steps back into the hall, holds it for a moment, then lets it back out with a shudder as he realizes he can still smell Yuuri on him. A part of him wishes he hadn't already shut the door, maybe he should have stayed with Yuuri, to make sure he'd be alright. But he knows that's ridiculous. He needs to go back to the banquet, he has to find Yuuri's coach and let him know Yuuri is back in his room. He will also likely have to endure Yakov yelling at him for a good long time, maybe Yuri too.

If nothing else, it's certainly not a night he'll forget anytime soon.


	3. In every direction I look, I see you leading me forward

It's strange coming back to Hasetsu.

He's been gone so long, and from the time he lands in Fukuoka again he notices that things have changed here and there. The landscape he passes as the train runs rhythmically along it’s track through the sparsely populated countryside, shows little sign of the passage of time as it glides by the window, and he almost feels it’s as if he’d never left. His final arrival at his home station completely changes this impression, however.

He disembarks to face a much newer and more modern station than the one he remembered, the tracks elevated now so that he has to find the stairs that will take him to the exit gate. At least the station is still small enough that there is only one exit.

His hope had been to just slip back into town, unnoticed until getting home. He just wants to forget about his skating career for a while and pretend to be just any other person. Unfortunately, not only is he met with a wall of posters with his image plastered across them, the moment he leaves the platform, but only a few seconds later he hears a voice shouting his name for all the station to hear, effectively guaranteeing his plans for an unobtrusive arrival will completely fail.

He turns to see his old ballet teacher, not only waving and calling his name but also carrying the banner she traditionally brings to the competitions she attends. He knows she means well, but it does nothing to comfort him as people stare, watching as he greets his old friend and teacher. Soon they’ve drawn in a small crowd who have realized who has arrived and want to offer their greetings. He is so embarrassed by the whole thing, the attention and subsequent questions about a year he is just trying to forget.

After his failure at the Grand Prix and then the disaster that had been the Japanese Nationals, he’d gone back to Detroit in defeat. Knowing he’d blown all possibility of competing for the rest of the season, he was finally able to finish all his coursework, complete his exams and graduate without fanfare.

He’d avoided the rink during training hours, when he got back. He threw himself into his school work, avoiding his coach and ignoring Phichit’s questions as he tried not to think about his future or his past.

He’d managed to find a smaller private rink a while back that he could go to when he wanted to be away from anyone else, even Phichit didn’t know about it. Yuuri did feel slightly guilty about that, but sometimes he just needed time away from everything and he didn’t want to risk anybody, even his best friend, interrupting those moments.

Most nights, he would go to this smaller rink for a few hours, just to lose himself to the feeling of the ice.

Once Yuuri knew his graduation was all but finalized he finally went to Celestino and ended things.

With school finished and his skating career uncertain, Yuuri just longs for a break, a moment to catch his breath before trying to face an unknown future. Home seems the best place to do that, so he makes the necessary arrangements; calls his mom to let her know; packs up or gets rid of his various possessions, and finally says good by to his roommate and best friend, and leaves Detroit behind.

It had felt like the right decision at the time but now that he’s back he wonders if it really was. It isn't so easy, walking back into the life he'd left behind so long ago.

The whirlwind of his return brings with it so many emotions. The familiarity of the the town he’d always called home is comforting. The warm atomsphere of the family’s onsen is just as welcoming as he remembered it being, and it’s really good to see his parents again for the first time in so long.

However, Minako pointing out his weight gain, and reminding him of the last few months of binge-eating through his studies and the neglect of almost any physical training, does little to make him feel better about things. Then there’s visiting the small shrine his family had set up in honor of Vicchan and coming face to face with the memories of his friend and how he hadn’t been here for him when it counted most. He’s there silently apologizing to Vicchan and feeling worse about himself than he has since just after Nationals when his sister comes in. It’s good to see her, but she’s never been one to shy away from confronting him with the issues he tends to avoid, and her questions hit right at the heart of his uncertainty about he’s going to do from here on out.

In the end his return has only succeeded in making him feel even more uneasy and anxious about what he’s doing. The peace and escape he’d been looking for are apparently going to prove more elusive than he’d hoped.

He manages to find some relief soaking in the onsen, the enveloping heat surrounding his body, contrasted with the cool air of the outdoor bath, easing away the stiffness the long journey back home had created. It is short lived relief, however. The moment he returns to the dining room, drawn by Minako-Sensei's loud complaints, he is confronted with the face of his idol and the fact that he is in Japan at this very moment, skating in a competition Yuuri had completely failed to qualify for.

It's too much. He needs to get away, to clear his head, and there was only one place he knows where he can do that.

Not ten minutes later he is out the door, jogging along the familiar path, following the glow of the setting sun.

 

As he walks up to the entrance of the familiar rink, he's hit with a sudden flurry of nerves. It's been such a long time and though they have talked regularly, he hasn't really kept in touch with Yuko as much as he should have since he left.

Not long before he'd made the decision to move to Detroit, she'd become a mother and he'd had difficulty knowing how to relate to her when so much of her life was suddenly consumed by taking care of three new babies. He was happy for her and Nishigori, of course, and the girls were beautiful, but he was left feeling unsure what his place was in their lives anymore. It was one of the things that made him think it was a good time to leave Hasetsu and try to find his own path, without always relying on the friends and family that he knew were always there for him. They had their own lives too, after all.

He supposes it had been a good decision in the end, despite how it all turned out. He'd learned a lot once he was able to finally settle into his new life, but he’d never really stopped missing everyone and everything here.

He walks through the door, and immediately sees the familiar figure of his friend.

"Sumimasen," he calls out, somewhat hesitantly, face coloring as she finally turns to look at him, answering with such an enthusiastic greeting he can feel the color deepen even more. He is grateful for how quickly she understands why he’s there, offering him time on the ice without a second thought and erasing all of his uncertainty about coming here.

She really hasn't changed at all, he thinks as he heads to the benches to get ready. He takes in the familiar setting as he carefully lays out his things, just as he always had. The slight flicker of lights, the color of the paint, even the smells, are so familiar to him, he can already feel himself relaxing, all the tension built up from his return slowly slipping away as he ties on his skates.

So many memories here, including some of his best. Seeing Yuko brings back a lot, that familiar smile that still seems to warms his heart just as it always had.

This place was the start of everything for him. He'd learned to love the ice here. Yuko had been his first real friend. And it was here she'd introduced him to the skater that would shape so much of the years that followed, but the truth is that she shaped him nearly as much as Victor did, maybe more in some ways.

As the memories hit him, he knows he's ready. He's been working on it for some time, in those solitary hours spent in the small rink in Detroit, knowing that she was the one person he might want to share it with, hoping he’d get that chance as a kind of thank you for all the help she gave him growing up, to finally show her how much she has meant to him.

Once he's on the ice he hands over his glasses to her care and asks her to watch before sliding out onto the ice.

As his skates skim across the smooth surface, he feels everything else slip away until it is just him and the ice.

After a couple laps he takes his place in the center of the rink, mind and body settling into the now familiar starting position, imagining Victor in the same position for a moment, before the music in his head takes over and he begins to move, all thought gone now, only feeling. He feels the air brush past him in a cool caress as his legs push him across the ice. There is a rush as he spins, and a thrill when he jumps. He feels so light, so free. It's been so long since he felt this way on the ice, he'd almost forgotten.

As the program comes to a finish, eyes aimed at the sky, not seeing the ceiling above him as he is almost overwhelmed by how good he feels. He's breathing hard, but his heart feels so light.

Yuko's sudden cries of delighted excitement bring him back to himself and the rink around him and he can feel the blush rise at her heartfelt praise.

He wants to thank her properly, to express what she has meant to him, how much she has helped, but as he starts to get the words out three figures pop out of seemingly nowhere.

Seeing the triplets again, so exuberant, and so much bigger than they were when he left, is a bit of a shock. How long had they been there? But in the end, seeing them and Takeshi-kun again feels good. It's good to see how much they still care, even after so long away. Finally, it feels like he's home again.

Over the next couple of days he does a lot of thinking, especially about the choices he's made over the last few years.

He'd gone to Detroit not only to pursue his goals in skating, he realizes, but also as a way to escape certain uncomfortable realities about how the world he'd grown up in was changing around him, hoping that with the distance he wouldn't have to think about them. While he was gone, he'd focused so much on skating, avoided thinking about what he'd left behind, what everyone was doing, how their lives carried on without him.

It's clear, now that he's back, that no matter what else has changed, everyone there never stopped supporting him, never stopped believing in him. Yet, somehow along the way, he'd stopped believing in himself. This last year had almost broken him, every time he'd been on the ice since the Grand Prix, it had felt like such an effort, all his doubts flooding over him. But when he'd skated for Yu-chan, he'd remembered what it was supposed to feel like, the reason he'd always gone back to the ice when things got difficult.

He knows now that he needs to go back to skating. But how?

He doesn't have a coach anymore, he's on his own and isn't sure how to proceed. He only knows he isn't ready to leave the ice behind just yet. He wants another chance.

He stares at the walls of his room, the images of Victor Nikiforov still plastered all over them, exactly where they’d been when he’d left, their familiar stares meeting his own, and a familiar resolve returns. He still wants to skate on the same ice as Victor, he wants a chance to redeem himself and show his idol he is in fact worthy of doing so.

His thoughts are interrupted by a chime from his phone and within seconds it feels like his whole world has just been turned upside down.

 

* * *

 

After the events of the Grand Prix, life had been the usual rush of activity for Victor with the fast approaching Russian Nationals to prepare for.

He does his best to keep the necessary focus on his training, but he finds himself distracted even more than usual, checking his phone more frequently in the hopes of finally seeing a message there from Yuuri Katsuki.

For the first couple of days he tells himself Yuuri busy traveling, maybe dealing with jet lag. After that he reasons the young man could be nervous or unsure what to say. Perhaps a sober Yuuri is feeling a little embarrassed about what happened that night and needs time compose a message. Victor has to admit, the image of this he conjures in his head is rather adorable.

After a week, Victor convinces himself that Yuuri is just busy preparing for the Japanese Nationals. It stands to reason that after the Grand Prix, he would want to work extra hard to improve his performance. Perhaps, once they are over, he will want to celebrate their successes and send a message then.

The grueling practice and training sessions, coupled with a significant time difference means Victor doesn't get the chance to watch the Japanese competition, but some time after the fact, he hears Yuri complaining angrily at his phone and thinks he hears him mention Yuuri. When he looks up the standings himself, he's confused when he finds out that Yuuri hadn't done well after all.

The realization that Yuuri will now almost certainly not be attending Worlds as Victor had been anticipating, hits him harder than he’d expected. Could something have happened? Could Yuuri have been injured? What information Victor finds just shows he hadn't been able to qualify, but he's seen Yuuri skate, knows he's capable. Something else must be the matter.

The weeks continue to pass and still there is nothing from the Japanese skater. He asks some of the other skaters he knows if they have contact information for Yuuri, but no one else seems to know the man very well either.

He finds an Instagram account that seems to have Yuuri tagged, but there’s almost nothing on the skater himself and no recent photos tagged since before the Grand Prix.

Through all of this, Victor's mind keeps going back to that night. He'd gotten all the pictures he could from everyone who'd been there, though Yuri had been more than a little stubborn about sharing and Victor had had to buy him some new spiky shoes as a bribe. Not that he really needs the pictures, he remembers it all too well, but he still finds himself flipping through them more times than he would be willing to admit.

He remembers the boundless exuberance of the skater turned dancer for a night. He remembers that perfect confidence as Yuuri took to the pole nearly naked, upstaging even Chris's usually extraordinary flamboyance, with smoldering looks and a fantastic body. He remembers every look, every touch as they'd danced together, sharing in the music, feeling the rhythm in each other. He remembers the shining eyes looking up at him, asking him to be his coach. And he remembers those last moments before Yuuri fell asleep, the moments for which the only pictures that exist are the ones in his head.

Each memory is compelling in a different way, pulling at his imagination and emotions. It is confusing and he isn't sure what to make of it. Too often he has to force the memories out of his head to focus on the training, but they never cease their pull on him.

Shortly after the Grand Prix, he’d found himself doing things like looking up airline tickets to Japan and immigration procedures for people and pets. He's since made sure all of Makkachin's shots are up to date. Even now he catches himself looking around his apartment picking out things he would bring. On a whim he picks up a book of conversational Japanese and another about the culture.

But the days and weeks pass, and there is nothing from Yuuri.

Victor tries to put it all out of his head. It would be better to forget about all of it, at least for now, so he can focus on the final competition of the year.

However, the World Championship is in Japan this year, right in the heart of Tokyo. He knows it's foolish, but a part of him can't help imagining Yuuri somehow making an appearance. Maybe Yuuri will come find him, full of apologies for making him wait.

He smiles for the cameras, waving at the spectators, wondering if Yuuri is out there somewhere, watching.

The competition has barely started before he knows he's going to win. And the knowledge leaves him feeling strangely empty but for this strange longing. He knows he probably needs to give up on Yuuri Katsuki at this point but in this final skate of the year he decides to give in to that longing to just meet the other skater one more time and dedicates the performance to his missing muse, thinking of the magic he’d had the chance to touch during that single evening.

As expected, he finds himself with yet another gold medal, and such a feeling of uncertainty, it is like a weight across his shoulders. He offers the reporters only vague answers when they ask about his future, under the pretense of maintaining some air of mystery, but really it's because he has no answer for them.

Through it all, there is no sign of the Japanese skater he’d still been holding out some hope of seeing.

 

Once back in St. Petersburg he has to start deciding what to do with that future he’s still feeling so ambivalent about. He’s not lacking for program ideas, at least, a couple in particular have been stewing for some time and he already has the music. So once he's back in his home rink he starts working on the choreography. He might as well, skating is his life, and a new season is always on the horizon, but his heart isn't really in it.

To be honest he's starting to feel trapped, he no longer knows why he's doing what he's doing. Didn't being on the ice make him happy before? Why does it feel so much like a chore now? His fans are always excited to see him, his coach still pushes him just has hard to make him the best possible, fellow skaters continue to challenge his reign on top, but other than to please all these people, to give them what they want, he can't seem to find a single reason for himself why he should keep going. The thing is, he doesn't know what else he could do, and he really doesn't want to disappoint any of the people around him, who have always supported him. That was his dream for so long, and he’s achieved it again and again, why doesn’t it feel like it’s enough anymore?

In the end this is what he is: Victor Nikiforov, living legend, and world renowned men's figure skater. Who is he to question this role he's learned to fill so well. He has so much already, maybe it’s wrong for him to even wish for more, to be more, maybe even for just one person...

He does his best not to consider such questions too much, and continues with the normal post season routine. It's still busy, still so much to do, even with a toned down training regimen. There are always plenty of sponsors demanding his time, exhibitions to prepare for, and the media is never satisfied.

Some of his rinkmates seem to have noticed something is off, but he brushes off most people's remarks, and it's just one more thing for Yakov to yell at him about. However, Yuri, now embarking on a new training regimen for his upcoming senior debut, has shown no qualms in harassing and glaring at Victor more often than is usual, even for the frequently irritable teen. Victor just ignores it all and continues to go through the motions of what he knows he should be doing during the off season.

It's a couple weeks later when several people suddenly all send him a link to some video that has apparently gone viral. When he opens it he immediately notices the title, which he can't read because it's in Japanese.

His curiosity is piqued though, so he hits play.

As the video starts the shock hits him immediately, heartbeat doubling as he realizes exactly what he's seeing, _who_ he's seeing, but soon all he can do is watch, lost in the music of the familiar moves, he doesn't even notice there isn't any sound until the video is over. He checks the date quickly and notices it was uploaded around the same time as Worlds. He promptly hits play again, focusing more carefully this time, watching the movements carefully, feeling them almost as if they are his own, so many of the movements mimicked almost perfectly, yet there's something in them he knows he's never had in all the times he's skated it himself.

This is him, this is the man that swept him away all those months ago. But why hadn't he made it to any of the later competitions? It's clear there's nothing wrong with him physically, other than he seems to have gained a little weight and is clearly not in peak competitive shape. Even so, he has the ability to perform every move cleanly, beautifully, and if this level of talent could be brought to bear on the competitive level, it could even give Victor a run for his money. Watching again, he thinks that that is something he really wants to see.

He watches two more times before getting up and taking action, he knows exactly what he's going to do. As he begins opening the list of bookmarks he's had in his computer for some time now, his apartment, which had previously felt empty and hollow, now seems filled with intention as he sets to work, Makkachin at his side, tail waving in sympathetic excitement.

He doesn't go to practice the next couple of days, as he makes all the necessary arrangements. Getting everything packed to be express shipped all the way to Japan is the most time consuming, and he’s impatient, but the movers work as efficiently as they can. He's been ignoring his phone, he knows it's only Yakov calling to yell at him to come to practice, or Yuri messaging him pretty much the same. Once the boxes are gone, suitcase packed, and Makkachin sent on ahead to the airport he gives Yakov a call.

As expected, Yakov comes along to see Victor off at the airport, shouting the whole way, trying to convince him to stay, but Victor can only think of one thing: getting to Yuuri. Yuuri had finally sent him a message, and he'd received it. The request that had once seemed almost farfetched, now seems like the most sensible thing in the world for him to do. He can take some time to figure out his own future, help nurture a great talent, and – most importantly – get to know this enthralling man better, all at the same time.

He just can't wait to see Yuuri's face once they are together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Of course I appreciate any kudos and feedback you send my way, it means a lot hearing from you!


	4. Everything before my eyes is surely a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor arrives in Hasetsu

Yuuri wakes up to his mother calling him to shovel snow.

_Snow? In April?_

He opens the curtains and groggily takes in the white landscape on the other side of the glass, the odd but enchanting beauty of snow-covered sakura meeting his eyes. He automatically reaches for his phone to check the forecast.

The stubbornly black screen confuses him for a moment before the memory comes back and he debates, for the hundredth time, turning it back on to see what messages had been left since that video came out, but he finally just throws the phone back down on the blankets. He has work to do anyway, he can always just deal with it later, or maybe tomorrow.

He gets dressed quickly, throws on his coat and heads downstairs still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

He barely registers the sound of barking, until he opens the front door and comes face to face with a very familiar looking poodle. "Vicchan?" he thinks at first. But then the animal is flying right at him and it is clearly a lot bigger than his dear friend had been, managing to knock him backwards onto the ground of the entrance in it’s obvious excitement.

Still, this obviously friendly animal seems so familiar... But the next thought that comes to him seems even more unlikely than that of Vicchan coming back to life.

_No, it’s impossible..._

 

* * *

 

The trip to Hasetsu had gone smoothly. There were no problems transferring in Tokyo to catch his connection to Fukuoka where he, Makkachin, and his suitcase had arrived safely. He really wanted to ride on a Japanese train from the airport, but since he had Makkachin with him, he'd decided a taxi would be better. There would be plenty of chances to ride the train soon enough, after all.

He watches the landscape go by through the window, trees filling his view once they are out of the city. It all looks so beautiful and peaceful. The peace of the world around him belies the nervous, giddy feeling that’s bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He’s sure he’s made the right decision, it feels right, like the pull of fate and he is eager to meet that fate. Still, even he has to admit this is one of the most impulsive things he’s ever done, even with all the planning over the last few months. Everything is going to be new and different too, so it’s only natural to be nervous about it. But Yuuri will be there, and with Yuuri to help him, he’s sure everything will be fine. Everything will be fine.

He can’t help the smile that creeps up onto his lips. He’s almost there. Just a little bit longer.

An hour later he finds himself at the entrance to Yu-Topia. He smiles up at the sign, looking over the picturesque scene of beautiful Japanese architecture topped with snow. He'd been surprised to find snow here at this time of year, but it is undeniably pretty and should make the hot spring especially welcome after his long trip.

"Ohayo-Gozaimasu!" he calls out, walking into the entrance, looking around excitedly, taking in the unique atmosphere. He'd always liked Japan but never had much chance to see any of it, there just wasn't time during competitions.

A friendly looking, older man comes out to greet him, bowing and smiling broadly. He even greets Makkachin with a friendly pat and a few words in Japanese before looking back up at Victor. "Hot spring?" he asks.

"Yes," Victor confirms smiling back. Perhaps he can look for Yuuri after he's relaxed a bit.

He removes his shoes and then the man takes him back to the baths, leading him down a few simple but traditional looking corridors before showing him through a blue curtained entry, beyond which are rows of wooden lockers. The man explains through a mix of gestures and broken English that he should put his clothes in a locker and shows him where to wash before entering the baths. Victor is fascinated by everything, eagerly taking in every detail of the place.

It takes him a little while for him to figure out the little shower stations, and his long legs make it slightly awkward, but he finds it to be quite fun overall.

Once he's cleaned up he heads straight past the indoor baths and out into the chilly air surrounding the outdoor bath. None of the few other patrons seem eager to brave the cold so he has the whole bath to himself and he sinks into it blissfully.

The hot water seems to absorb all the tension built up from the trip, leaving his limbs more relaxed than he’s been in ages. It's absolutely perfect.

He reclines in the water, simply enjoying the sensation for several long minutes before he finally begins to contemplate his next move. According to all his research, this is where he should find Yuuri Katsuki, his new student, and the man he’d been hoping to see again for months. He's pretty sure that if he just asks around, someone will be able to direct him to his objective. He wonders how he should introduce himself, lazily musing between a variety of possibilities as he imagines their first meeting.

Should he do something grand to sweep Yuuri off his feet? Perhaps they can leap into each other’s arms in mutual joy at their reunion. Maybe he can just kiss him, the way he had so wanted to all those months ago. He really can’t decide and figures he’ll probably just wing that part. What he’s most looking forward to is really getting to know Yuuri. By becoming his coach, they should have ample opportunity to spend time together and get to know each other very well. He has so many questions and is eager to answer any Yuuri might have for him as well.

In the middle of these ruminations, he is interrupted by a figure suddenly running in through the sliding door, fully dressed and disheveled, now staring at him in utter shock.

"Victor... What are you doing here?" comes the stammered question as Victor recognizes the reason for his long journey standing before him.

Well, he supposes he won't have to ask anyone after all.

Victor stands, gives a winning smile and grand gesture before announcing his intentions: “Yuuri, starting today, I’m going to be your coach. I’m here to make sure you win gold at the Grand Prix final.” He finishes with one of his signature winks that media and audiences always seem to love.

The reaction to this is not quite what he’d expected. Yuuri does not run into his arms, though considering he is in the water, perhaps that makes sense. Still the shocked shouts and babbling he receives instead of elation were not something he’d considered, but he takes it in stride. He hadn’t really sent any word he was coming, so he supposes it must be a bit of a surprise, all things considered.

Yuuri, is in a state of utter shock. Nothing seems real any more, and it is all he can do to play host for this man who claims to be Victor Nikiforov. He certainly sounds like him and looks like him. Well, not that he's ever seen him quite so...so... naked, before.

Still, all evidence suggests it is Victor. At his home. Saying he’s going to be Yuuri’s coach. Naked.

It’s an onsen. Of course he’s naked. It shouldn’t matter. But this is Victor Nikiforov for heaven’s sake. He shouldn’t be here _at all_. Yuuri couldn’t have dreamed up a more impossible situation if he tried. It’s too much, too strange and to real at the same time.

It can't be real…

Once he manages to calm down from this initial shock he leaves this person who appears to be Victor to finish his bath, promising to arrange food for the visitor.

He continues to move in a kind of daze, returning and offering Victor a robe once he gets out of the bath, relieved once the man is finally wearing something. But then the Russian has his arms around Yuuri in a tight hug.

“I’m so happy to be here Yuuri!”

Yuuri is frozen in shock at both the words and the sensation of those long arms around him. It’s like his brain has overloaded at this point, no longer able to take in what’s happening.

“Um, I’m g–glad you’re here too,” he manages to say, breathing a sigh of relief when the arms around him finally let go. “There’s food, if you’re hungry.”

He turns to look at the man, able to at least look in Victor’s direction without feeling quite so awkward now that he’s at least somewhat clothed. Not that the robe really covers that much, especially with how lazily it’s been tied, leaving a shoulder and a portion of the man’s chest exposed.

Yuuri blushes even more, before moving his eyes elsewhere and somehow landing on Victor’s face, which does nothing to settle his already frazzled nerves.

“I’m starving!” Victor beams at him.

Yuuri can’t help the small, nervous smile that automatically rises in response to Victor’s beaming look before turning around and leading the way to a private dining room where he can eat. Yuuri's mother is already setting out food as they walk in, looking up and smiling brightly as Victor offers her a cheerful greeting, his smile growing even larger upon being introduced.

She offers Yuuri food too once she’s finished serving Victor, but he can't imagine eating just at that moment, the strange feeling in his stomach eliminating his appetite.

Victor digs into the food eagerly, and begins to tell Yuuri about his trip and the things he's seen and other times he's been to Japan for competitions. He occasionally asks a question, which Yuuri answers, hardly thinking, all the time just kind of staring at the figure before him, wondering when he's going to wake up and find out this is all some crazy dream.

Once Victor finishes the food, he stretches his arms in a big yawn before just kind of falling back where he is to lie down on the tatami beneath him, closing his eyes with a sigh a moment later. Yuuri quickly fetches a small pillow for the man, who takes it with a mumbled thanks as he promptly falls asleep, Makkachin quickly settling in beside him.

Yuuri just keeps staring as their breathing becomes slow and even.

He’s going to wake up now, right?

But even after pinching himself a few more times, nothing changes. Victor doesn't disappear.

In the now quiet and mostly empty room, Yuuri plays back the morning through his head trying to figure out what is going on.

Victor had said something about becoming his coach, hadn't he? But why would he, Victor, world class skater and living legend, still firmly at the peak of his career, suddenly show up here, just to become the coach of some dime-a-dozen nobody who'd completely crashed and burned his entire last season?

It doesn't make any sense. There has to be something else going on, but he is at a complete loss to understand what.

He’s not sure how long he’s just been sitting there, staring in wonder and confusion at the man he’s looked up to for most of his life, now just sleeping right in front of him, when Minako suddenly bursts into the room, startling Yuuri out of his confused thoughts.

He listens numbly as she explains what the news is saying, but when she gets to the part about the video being the reason for Victor's being here, he thinks he's either going to be sick or his heart might just explode from the shock, very possibly both.

He hadn't even thought about Victor seeing that video, it was too much to think about how many strangers might have seen it. But that his idol had watched it... and that there was something about it that actually drew the great Victor Nikiforov right to his doorstep… the very idea leaves him feeling faint.

But there he is, Victor Nikiforov, asleep on his floor.

Yuuri's pretty sure he needs to sit down.

Oh, right, he already is sitting...

 

 

Victor wakes up slowly, feeling warm and comfortable, except for a slight tickle in his nose. With a sneeze he opens his eyes and sits up, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings as he reorients himself before focusing on the profound emptiness that seems to have taken over the place where his stomach should be.

He can't help smiling at the flustered reaction he gets from Yuuri when he announces he wants more food. He’d never have guessed the man could be so cute.

Of course, he also finds himself wanting to know more about the young man sitting before him, who has thus far been strangely quiet. Whatever he'd seen at the banquet, he still has to admit he knows almost nothing about Yuuri. What better place to start than with food? So he immediately asks about his favorite dish and decides then and there he wants to try this ‘katsudon’ too. No better way to learn about another person than to experience their favorite things right?

While waiting for the meal, he’s thrilled at the opportunity to meet Yuuri's friend Minako, as she seems more than willing to tell him about Yuuri. Yuuri's mom is also an extremely sweet lady who similarly appears completely thrilled to have him there, even though they can't understand each other all that well. He gets brief introductions to Yuuri's father and sister too, though they seem very busy. All in all he feels very welcome and so glad he's come here.

In fact everyone seems more than pleased to have him there; everyone except Yuuri, who seems more than a little nervous, barely speaking and clearly keeping his distance. Victor isn't quite sure what to make of it but before he can become too concerned, the food arrives.

The dish that is finally brought before him is so good he can hardly bring himself to pause as he eagerly puts more and more in his mouth. It fills the emptiness in his stomach with warm satisfaction. It's almost as satisfying as seeing Yuuri's shy but pleased smile at Victor's enjoyment, which is probably one of the most adorable things Victor has ever seen. Though the smile is small and hesitant, it still reminds Victor so much of their meeting, they way Yuuri’s eyes shine when he smiles is one of his favorite things.

"Yuuri gains weight easily, so he was only allowed to eat katsudon when he won a competition," Minako tells him.

Once Yuuri admits to eating his favorite food frequently now, Victor is excited to take this first opportunity to begin being a coach, and immediately sets down his first instructions, dictating Yuuri will need to get back to his previous GP weight before the real coaching can begin.

Yuuri, seems somewhat upset by his demands, but a coach must be strict sometimes, Victor reasons. Not that he finds Yuuri any less attractive with that little extra softness around the edges, certainly not. In fact, as far as Victor’s concerned, Yuuri is equally alluring now, as he was when perfectly toned. But Victor has promised to make Yuuri into the champion he deserves to be, and for that, he will need to be in the best possible shape.

When Yuuri’s sister comes back to announce the arrival of Victor’s things, he is quite pleased with himself to have timed everything so perfectly. He is a little sorry when Yuuri decides to leave and help his sister rather than stay and talk to him, but he certainly appreciates Yuuri’s kindness to help out so readily. Victor happily continues talking to Minako for a while, getting to know her a little better, until the other woman says she needs to get home. After saying goodbye he gets up to go look for the room he’ll be staying in.

He manages to find his way back to the entry easily enough, where a single box of his of his belongings still remains. A moment later Yuuri comes in, the sheen of sweat along his hairline.

“Ah, Yuuri, can you show me my room?”

Yuuri seems to just stare at him for a moment before nodding, “Let me just get this last box.”

He watches as the young man lifts the last box with a slight grunt before following him through the inn and up to the third floor. It is a little far from the main entry but Yuuri stops just outside a sliding door leading to a bright interior, “Here it is,” he says a little breathlessly, clearly waiting for Victor to go through first.

He walks into the room looking around the space, Makkachin coming in just behind him and happily exploring and sniffing the new surroundings too. He finds the room completely charming. It's rather smaller than he's used to, but he loves the classic Japanese design. Once he gets settled he's sure it will be perfect. Everything seems to be going so well, he couldn't have planned it better. And now, finally, he seems to be alone with Yuuri. Perhaps, now that the shock has worn off, and with no one else to bother them, they can have a proper reunion and they can finally get to know each other a little better.

"Yuuri," he says, going down onto a knee, bringing himself to the other man's level, heart beating as he finally gets close to the person he's come all this way to see again. He’s waited so long for this moment and he can hardly believe he gets to be here, this close to Yuuri again. "I want to know everything about you," he continues, reaching out, longing to touch him, to know that the man he danced with so long ago is really there.

"Tell me about the rink you skate at. Tell me about this city. Tell me about your friends and family." He reaches down to take Yuuri's hand, slowly draws him forward to finally close the distance between them, remembering how they'd touched and held each other as if it had only been yesterday. "Is there anyone you like here?" he asks, eyes boring straight into Yuuri’s, waiting to see that familiar spark again. "Before we start practicing, we should build some trust in our relationship,“ he says, drawing just a bit closer, heart beating, waiting for Yuuri's response, eyes locked on the man he’d almost give up hope on being near again.

But instead of being met with any kind of reciprocal response like he'd expected, Yuuri suddenly jumps back, scrambling red-faced, backwards and away from Victor until he runs into the far wall.

Completely taken aback, Victor just stares for a second, confused. "What? Why are you running away?"

Despite Yuuri's hurried reassurances that nothing is wrong, it's clear that he's in a hurry to get away as he hastily excuses himself, careful to keep as much distance between them as possible.

Victor hears a door slam a short distance down the hall but is too stunned to move for several seconds, still staring at the last place Yuuri had been. For a few seconds more, he waits, thinking perhaps Yuuri will come back and explain the strange reaction. Makkachin comes up and nudges his side, but he can only keep staring at the empty space before him where Yuuri had been.

It feels like minutes that he sits there, but it’s probably only seconds before what happened begins to sink in, his heart sinking too as he faces the fact that Yuuri had actually run away from him. Had clearly been extremely uncomfortable in Victor’s presence. But why? Surely the shock from his arrival had worn off by now, and any earlier shyness while around his family was understandable, but there is no one around now. It should have been the perfect opportunity to get reacquainted.

Yet Yuuri's reaction had been so extreme. Perhaps, he'd woken up after the banquet and regretted everything. Could that be why he'd never sent any messages? But then why would he have performed Victor's free skate? And today he had at times seemed sincerely pleased that Victor had come. Could he just have been that embarrassed? He does seem to be shyer than Victor had expected. Perhaps he just wasn't ready for Victor to come on that strongly. Then again, Yuuri himself had been quite aggressive at the banquet. He can’t seem to make sense of any of it.

He tries to sort through these thoughts and decide what to do next. Maybe he should go try to reassure Yuuri. Perhaps if they just talked things out a bit this strange situation could be resolved. Maybe they can sleep in the same room, that would give them a great chance to just talk, and once this confusion is cleared up, he will still need to get to know Yuuri much better to be an effective coach. Yes, that seemed like an excellent idea, they could spend the night together and Victor could encourage Yuuri to open up a little more gently this time.

He gathers up a blanket and pillow, "Come on Makkachin," he calls before heading off towards Yuuri's room just at the end of the hall.

"Yuuri," he calls, knocking on the door a few moments later.

"Victor?" comes the surprised response.

"Yuuri, let's sleep together."

"What? No!!" Yuuri shouts back, voice panicked.

There's a loud thud on the other side of the door as if something heavy has just slammed against it.

Victor frowns at this surprisingly negative response but takes a deep breath and tries again, "As your coach, I need to learn more about you, we should spend some time together."

There's silence for a while, and Victor tries knocking and calling Yuuri's name a couple more times, hoping to prompt another response. He finally hears some movement inside and so he calls out one more time, “Yuuri?”

"Victor," he finally hears, and perks up hopefully, "I'm really tired, maybe you should go back to your room for now," Yuuri says softly but clearly from the other side of the door.

Victor stands there for moment, he wants to say something but he seems to be at a loss all of a sudden, he can’t seem to find anymore words that might convince the other to let him in.

He swallows past the lump that seems to have appeared in his throat and finally manages to speak with forced nonchalance, "Okay, goodnight Yuuri. I'll see you tomorrow," before turning back towards his own room, feeling weighed down by a sense of deep disappointment he hadn't expected.

Back in his room, he sets up his sleeping area for the night in silence as Makkachin sits nearby, watching.

He just can't understand it. Had he done something wrong? Why was Yuuri pushing him away? Where was the man that had so completely charmed him at the banquet? This Yuuri seems to be an almost completely different person, But he knows he must be the same person. That smile, there can be no mistaking that smile, or the rich brown of those eyes when they sparkle.

The day had started out so well, he thought, but now, as he looks back on it, it wasn't anything like he'd anticipated. He'd thought Yuuri would be excited to see him, thrilled by the surprise appearance and eager to have Victor in his life. Apart from a few scattered moments when he’d seemed glad, Yuuri had been distant, nervous, and even almost seemed afraid of him. And in the end he'd pushed Victor away, run from him, left Victor staring after him without explanation, just as he’d done at the end of the Grand Prix Final.

Victor, picks up his phone as he lays down and opens up that photo album for the thousandth time, flipping through the pictures, studying Yuuri's smiling face in them for a couple minutes before he finally closes it again and plugs in his phone to charge. He settles under the blanket, and pats the ground next to him for Makkachin to join him.

"What did I do wrong?" he asks his fluffy friend as they snuggle close. He just doesn't understand, but somehow it hurts. He’s come all this way, so sure of his welcome, and Yuuri just runs from him, won’t even talk to him. He pulls Makkachin close as he feels the tears pooling, the fur soon become damp as he takes a few deep breaths, trying to relax. The poodle simply accepts the situation as always while Victor collects himself, hoping sleep will help him find the answers come morning.

 

 

Yuuri breathes a sigh of relief as Victor finally leaves, but continues to pull down all his posters as he starts trying to process everything that's happened that day. Once the posters are all gathered into a stack he looks down at them, thinking back on all the years they'd been on his wall, how often he'd looked to them for inspiration and motivation, as he'd fought his way forward to become a skater like Victor.

This is the Victor he knows. This image from posters, magazines, television. He knows the idea of Victor, the larger than life living legend, but he knows nothing of the man. This Victor had always just been an idol, a figure he looked up to but who seemed unreal, an impossible goal to be striven for but never reached. Until today, they'd never even spoken, Yuuri could never have imagined this day happening, not even as some far fetched dream.

Yuuri looks around for a place to hide the posters and settles on putting them under the bed for now, he can find a better place tomorrow. The room looks strangely empty without them there, but he can't bear the thought that Victor might see them.

Because Victor is actually here now.

He gets ready for bed, finding comfort in the familiar routine before finally climbing into bed, but sleep feels a million miles away.

However far away Victor had seemed all these years, today, right now, Victor is here, under this same roof.

Now that he's alone he can take his time as he thinks back over the day, from Victor's arrival and sudden proclamation that he would become his coach, to his disconcertingly forward efforts to get to know Yuuri. Yuuri had pinched himself repeatedly that day but Victor never disappeared. He'd felt like his heart was going to explode almost the entire day from the stress of the situation, but now he thinks maybe it wasn't just stress.

Victor is here. Victor is real. Instead of just some image on paper, the real living Victor has promised to train him. Though Yuuri is still hardly able to believe it, it's finally sinking in that Victor, _the_ Victor Nikiforov, is here now, to be his coach, to help him achieve his dreams, not just as inspiration, but in real concrete ways. As his heart continues to pound, it dawns on him that what he really feels is happy. Truly Happy. As if all the possibilities in the world are now open to him. And tomorrow, he can begin to make them real.


	5. With every answer I find in you, the mystery only deepens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I hoped to have this out sooner but I've recently changed my whole work schedule around and I'm still dealing with a lot of new things while trying to get some writing done as well. Fingers crossed the next part will be out a bit faster.

Victor is not the type to be kept down long, so he wakes the next morning full of new resolve. He came here to be a coach, so that is what he is going to be. He’s going to be the best coach he can be. He'll do whatever is needed to get Yuuri prepared for the next season and to win the gold. Surely, during that process, he can find a way to get to know him. There's plenty of time, after all, and it shouldn't take that long, right? He just needs to figure out the best approach to get his new student to open up and feel more comfortable around him again.

Once he's dressed he heads to Yuuri's room and knocks loudly, "Good morning, Yuuri! You should show me your skating rink today."

There's only silence on the other side. It isn't that early and it would probably take another day for Victor to completely get over the jet lag, but he'd expected Yuuri to be up by now. He briefly considers opening the door to check if Yuuri is even awake, but thinks better of it, remembering how strongly Yuuri reacted the night before.

"Yuuri," he calls cheerfully, knocking again, "Are you awake?"

Finally he hears what seems to some kind of reply in indistinct Japanese, so he knocks and calls the sleepyhead's name one more time, “Yuuuuuriiii,” he almost sings.

"Victor?"

"Come on, Yuuri, I want you to show me where you skate."

"Uhn, okay... Just give me a few minutes," comes the sleepy reply, but it's enough for Victor, who happily heads downstairs, Makkachin trailing behind just as happily.

At the bottom of the stairs he runs into Yuuri's Mom.

"Ah, Vicchan! Ohayo! Breakfast hoshii?" She asks smiling up at him.

"Yes, please!" he answers, smiling brightly in return as he follows her eagerly.

 

 

Yuuri isn't quite sure when he finally managed to fall asleep, but by the grogginess he's feeling right now he's sure it was pretty late.

Victor had sounded like he was eager to get going so he just grabs some sweatpants, a t-shirt, and hoodie he has handy and starts getting dressed. He's half dressed when it hits him again. Victor is here. Victor is going to be his coach and today Yuuri gets to show him the rink he's skated on since he was a child. Despite his long held dream of skating on the same ice as Victor, this was not something he’d ever pictured as being possible. He can't help the smile that starts to spread across his face as that sense of happiness returns. How is this real life?

He finishes getting dressed after pausing a minute to recollect himself, it would be embarrassing to go down grinning like an idiot. After putting his glasses on, he's finally ready to head out, he just hopes he hasn't kept Victor waiting too long.

When he gets downstairs he's surprised not to find Victor by the entry waiting for him. Wondering where he could have gone off to, or if he'd somehow gotten lost Yuuri goes in search, only to find Victor happily planted in front of a generous breakfast.

"Yuuri," Victor calls, waving him over with a smile. "Your mom is such a wonderful cook, look at all the food she's made for me."

Yuuri does look, and it makes his mouth water.

"She made breakfast for you too," Victor says, gesturing to the other side of the table where a bowl of miso soup, a small piece of fish, and a large dish of steamed vegetables sit waiting for him.

His mood takes a sudden dip. He knows he's supposed to be on a diet, but watching Victor eat his considerably more appetizing breakfast in front of him is not going to make this any easier.

In between bites, Victor asks about the rink and Yuuri answers readily between bites, relaxing a little in the other man's presence at the easy questions. Of course, he may just be relaxed because he’s still feeling half asleep.

"Yuuri, is there a bike shop near here?" Victor asks, finishing the last few bites on his plate.

"Mmn," Yuuri, says with a nod, "There's one just a few minutes from here."

"Great, I want to stop there first."

"Okay," Yuuri nods as he tries to stifle a yawn while poking at the remaining vegetables on his dish.

"Come on, finish your breakfast, we should get going," with that Victor is up and heading back out towards the entrance.

With a slight grimace, Yuuri puts the last few bites of veggies in his mouth and stands to follow Victor out.

Once they reach the bike shop it doesn't take long for Victor to choose a bright yellow bicycle, which he promptly pays for before getting on. "Come on Yuuri," he says as he begins to ride away, leaving Yuuri blinking after him for a second before he chases after the quickly departing figures of Victor and Makkachin.

Victor isn't setting a particularly fast pace but Yuuri is panting before they've gotten halfway to Ice Castle, and for a moment he wonders just what he's gotten himself into. But then he looks up to see Victor there ahead of him, real as the pain in his lungs, silver hair fluttering in breeze, and with a deep gasping breath, he pushes on.

Once they reach the rink it takes several minutes for Yuuri's heartrate and breathing to slow to something that allows him to speak. Fortunately, Victor seems to do just fine introducing himself and getting permission to try out the rink.

Yuuri, goes up to his friends, once he can breathe again and begins explaining the situation in more detail to his slightly stunned friends, telling them how it was apparently the video that inspired Victor to come, much to the triplets' delight, and how he'd suddenly shown up at the onsen the previous day, though he does leave out a few of the more awkward details. Yu-chan is also very excited by the news and the chance to see Victor herself. It makes Yuuri happy to see her smile that familiar smile, remembering how much she had also admired Victor when they were growing up.

During the conversation, he finds himself watching Victor from the corner of his eye. Heartbeat speeding up again to realize Victor is in his hometown rink, about to skate on the same ice Yuuri grew up on. He watches as Victor ties on his skates and unzips his hoodie before standing and heading straight for the ice. Yuuri follows automatically unable to take his eyes off his idol, now standing so tall and godlike in his skates. He can’t believe he is about to see Victor of all people, skating at this rink that he’d spent so many countless hours dreaming at while dreaming of the very same man and the possibility of one day meeting him. He even pinches himself yet again because such a thing really is something that should only happen in dreams.

The moment Victor takes to the ice though, he feels his heart begin to race in earnest. It's like Victor was born for the ice, every move so perfect and fluid. If only Yuuri could skate like that. He only manages to take his eyes off the man long enough to make sure the girls don't start uploading anything to social media this time, and confirm with Takeshi that they'll be able to use the rink to practice.

Then his eyes are automatically drawn back to the dancing figure as he thinks back on all the memories he has of this man, watching him skate on his tv screen countless times.

This man who saw him skate in some stupid video and was somehow inspired to come here and teach Yuuri. But why? How could he ever inspire someone like Victor? What could someone like Victor possibly see in someone like him? Was Victor just bored and looking for something to do while he got back his motivation or something, and Yuuri just happened to get his attention at the right time? Did Victor really believe he could make Yuuri win?

A few minutes later Victor skates up to him and asks him what kind of training regimen Yuuri usually does.

It takes a moment for Yuuri to register the question, after being so absorbed in simply watching Victor, and another moment to remember he isn’t going to be allowed on the ice until he gets his weight down.

He explains his basic plan and usual exercises to Victor who gives him some tips and instructions as to what order he thinks would be best for the morning, before shooing Yuuri out of the rink to get started.

It is somewhat a relief to be on his own again, allowing himself to fall back into the familiar rhythm of the exercises he’s been doing half his life, but it also lets his mind wander back to the questions of why Victor is here. Not long after the questions, come the worries. What if Victor realizes Yuuri isn’t actually worth his time? What if he decides a few weeks away is all he needed and then leaves again, leaving Yuuri to his own devices?

Yuuri knows these are fairly extreme worries, Victor really doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would do that, but that does nothing to ease the fears. He does his best to push them aside, but knowing he’ll never be able to stop them completely he also tries to use them. This is a new chance to prove himself to Victor, so he works hard to get his body back into the shape of an athlete. Training everyday to bring his weight down and build his muscles back up.

He finds himself back in the ballet studio for the first time in years, to stretch and dance his body into the graceful forms he excels in. Minako-sensei, incredibly supportive as always, seems so proud and excited that Victor has come and pushes Yuuri to his limits each day.

No matter how hard he works, however, he still can't shake the unease.

Most of the time he trains on his own. Victor is at the rink whenever it's available, but Yuuri has been forbidden to join him there until he's reached his goal weight. He isn't sure what Victor does at other times, perhaps he has his own training routines. He might be a coach right now, but Yuuri is sure he'll go back to the ice in the end and will want to be in shape for that.

Victor spends part of every day with Yuuri though, usually in the afternoon. He watches as Yuuri does some of his regular exercises. In the evenings they often eat together, usually at Yu-topia, though sometimes Victor wants to try other local restaurants and Yuuri goes along to help him read the menus. After dinner, Victor always goes to the onsen, and always invites Yuuri, but he usually declines, either waiting until he knows Victor has gone to bed or foregoing a bath altogether. There's just something about sharing a bath with Victor that is somehow too real, the nakedness makes him feel just that much more exposed and unsure of himself, so on the occasions they do go together, Yuuri just can’t seem to make himself stay very long.

During the times they are together, Victor often tries to engage him in conversation. Victor always seems to want to know more about Yuuri himself. He knows that’s natural but for some reason he can’t help how uncomfortable he gets. He’s sure that if Victor ever really gets to know him, he’ll see how unworthy his is. He knows he’s not that interesting or special, and once Victor figures that out he’ll be gone, and Yuuri’s not ready for that yet. Not yet.

Besides, he can barely even look at the man half the time without feeling like he's in some kind of dream, how is he supposed to talk with him as if they were friends?

What Yuuri really doesn’t know how to deal with is how _physical_ Victor is. There are always these small touches here and there when they are together. A hand on a shoulder or his back. Their shoulders bumping as they walk, too often for it to always be an accident. It isn't really that often but he can’t help but be conscious of every instance, his nerves buzzing every time, not knowing how he should react. A part of him wants to run away, but not only would it be rude to do that all the time, he’s pretty sure it would be an extreme overreaction.

And of course, there's the hugs. Victor seems to feel it necessary to hug him at least once a day.

Even with all this Yuuri gets the feeling Victor is holding back. Eventually he does get used to it enough that he doesn’t almost jump out of his skin every time it happens, but it is still unnerving.

He knows foreigners are a lot more into touch than the Japanese, he’d seen it a lot in America and had gotten used to accepting such casual contact on a somewhat regular basis, though he never invited it. Even Phichit had taken a while to get used to and that was just Phichit, his best friend who had a knack for putting people at ease. But nothing compared to being hugged by your idol on a daily basis.

As each day passes Yuuri continues to marvel at the situation. He gets to see Victor every day. Not only see, but be near, talk to, interact with. The more time passes he also begins to see the other man differently than he used to. Watching him on TV in competition or interviews, seeing his image in magazines and newspapers, he was always this amazing figure and everything about him was perfect and godlike. Seeing him now as they wander around Hasetsu, without all the glamour, without the flashing lights and cameras, is so much different. In this setting, dressed in simple training wear, riding his bike around the town, Victor seems like he could almost be any normal person.

The two contrasting images in Yuuri's head almost seem to be at war with each other. He wants to get to know Victor, wants to respond casually to his many questions, and not freak out every time the man touches him, but he still just can’t get past the idea of the Victor he's known for all those years before. He wonders if he'll ever be able to get past that and see him as just Victor.

 

* * *

 

Victor finds the first few days in Hasetsu to be a mix of enjoyment and frustration.

So far he loves Hasetsu and the people in it. The town is beautiful and everyone seems to be incredibly hospitable and friendly to him. Yuuri's family and friends seem especially eager to make him feel welcome, and they are all happy to offer friendly greetings and a pat to Makkachin as well. He can't imagine a more pleasant place and people.

Not only that, but the food is amazing!

Though smaller than he's used to, the rink is quite sufficient and it will be nice to have the space to themselves when they practice, though at the moment it's just him in the mornings until Yuuri is ready to join him. Even for him, despite all his success, it isn’t often when he gets to have an entire rink at his disposal, so he makes use of it the best he can, continuing his work on the choreography he'd started and otherwise maintaining his skills. He may be a coach right now but he hasn't discounted the idea that he might return to the ice someday. The idea doesn't have much appeal at the moment, but it certainly won't hurt to keep himself in reasonable condition, especially with all this beautiful pristine ice to enjoy every morning.

The frustration, of course, begins and ends with Yuuri Katsuki. He does his best to give Yuuri some space, after that first day, to get used to Victor being around but it feels like anytime there seems to be progress, and Yuuri starts to relax just a bit, he manages to say or do something to undo it all and cause Yuuri to become just as distant as before.

He spends as much time as he can with Yuuri, but it is always a strange dance when it comes to the younger man, and nothing like the one they’d shared in Sochi. When they’d met, it seemed almost magnetic, as if they were just naturally being drawn together by forces unseen.

Now however, its as if someone has reversed Yuuri’s polarity and every step towards the younger man sends him further away from Victor.

Still, as he spends more time with Yuuri, he begins to recognize when something begins to bother the other man and he now tries to hold back before he can push Yuuri away too much. He tries to focus on acting as a coach, monitoring Yuuri's training routine and offering advice here and there, and it seems to be going pretty well, at least Yuuri listens and seems receptive to his instruction.

They often eat together and he always tries to get Yuuri to join him in the Onsen, Yuuri is almost as resistant to this as he is to letting Victor sleep in the same room however. Victor had thought that the soothing water and atmosphere would help Yuuri to relax, but instead it seems to have the opposite effect, whenever he can get Yuuri to agree to join him, he seems tense and jumpy, barely able to even look in Victor’s direction, and he always leaves before they've been there for even ten minutes.

The first few days Victor began to worry if maybe the problem was that Yuuri had actually found someone else, and that’s why he’s been keeping Victor at several arms’ length. At this point, it’s unsurprising when Yuuri becomes incredibly uncomfortable when Victor questions him about relationships, but at least he does get out of Yuuri that he doesn’t have another lover. It is a relief, but it still doesn’t explain why the distance between them remains unchanged.

In fact, every time he tries to get something more personal out of the young man, he can see how uncomfortable he gets. It doesn't seem any better when he tries to share more about himself in return, hoping that by sharing his own experiences it will somehow make it easier for Yuuri. He doesn't get it, no matter what he tries, Yuuri acts in exactly the opposite way Victor expects. Is it just embarrassment, or something else? Victor even has trouble falling asleep most nights, wondering what's wrong, or what he can do to bridge this canyon between them.

It isn't even just the emotional space that's a problem, he finds keeping physical distance more of a trial than he'd expected too.

He really tries to restrain himself but sometimes it just happens, he just has to reach out and touch Yuuri, try to connect with him even if it is only by such a small gesture. At least Yuuri doesn’t jump every time Victor touches him anymore, but there’s still a tension there. Victor tries not to think about it too much, to just accept that it’s going to take time for Yuuri to get used to it. He also tries not to think about the photos he’s seen on instagram of Yuuri hugging someone else. What is wrong that Yuuri is so uncomfortable around him? Why is this so hard?

Sometimes, in his most frustrated moments, he worries that Yuuri doesn’t actually want him there, what else could explain the dramatic change from the man who had so exuberantly asked him to be his coach in the first place?

But every once in a while, he catches Yuuri looking at him, or smiling at something Victor says, and he can’t bring himself to believe his presence is truly unwanted.

Fortunately, he does manage to get Yuuri talking when it’s about the town or about other people, so as they spend more time together, that's what he focuses on. Yuuri seems perfectly willing show Victor the local sights and points of interest, and take pictures for him to share on his social media, and since Victor really is interested in the town it seems to work out well. He just hopes he'll eventually find some way to push beyond that and get to know the real Yuuri Katsuki.

 

 

Victor supposes he should have expected the media once he started uploading posts showing his location. He hadn't really been paying attention but his departure from Russia might have caused a bit of a stir. Still, it doesn't really matter, reporters are nothing new and cameras have just been a normal part of life for as long as he can remember. He takes it in stride, smiling for the cameras when he arrives to find a mass of them pointed his way as he arrives at the rink one morning.

However, he's mindful that most people here will not be so used to this kind of commotion. Hasetsu is such a peaceful place and he'd hate to be the cause of a disturbance that would disrupt the lives of all those who have been so kind to him. However, he is also aware, from many things Yuuri has told him, that Hasetsu has suffered in recent years, more people leaving and fewer visitors coming to the small town, forcing more than a few businesses to close. He wants to do something in return for the town that has shown him so much hospitality. So, he offers the reporters a few comments, promises some interviews, and requests they don't disturb the people or businesses, but also recommends they enjoy the many local establishments and actively promotes them whenever he can, hoping to attract a bit of attention back to the town’s waning businesses.

He also decides to keep the media away from Yuuri for the time being. He'd rather not put him on the spot just yet. If the man isn't able to speak comfortably with his coach, it's probably not a good idea if he's forced to deal with a mob of reporters demanding answers as to why Victor is there.

However, Yuri's arrival a week later, does manage to catch him by surprise. Though it had slipped his mind while he was focused on becoming Yuuri's coach, seeing the boy again brings the memory back and he knows exactly why the boy is here. Knowing Yuri, it isn’t surprising he _didn’t_ forget, and he certainly isn’t the type to just let something like that go.

Fortunately for Victor, Yuuri is also present when the boy makes his appearance, and that can only mean one thing: that he's hit his goal weight and can finally begin to skate. Victor had forbidden him from even entering the building until that requirement had been achieved and trusts Yuuri wouldn't be here if he hadn't managed it yet.

Still, with Yuri suddenly demanding his return to Russia, he has to think fast. He had made a promise and he owes Yuri something, but he came all this way for a purpose, and he'd made a promise to Yuuri as well, and he doesn’t want to just give up on that, but he’s still unsure the young Japanese skater really does want him there. If not, would it be better for him to return to Russia? The idea pains him but, if that is ultimately what Yuuri wants, he’d have to accept it.

As Yuri stands there yelling at him, he watches Yuuri, looking for some sign that might guide him as to what to do. A moment later he sees something in Yuuri's eyes, a lingering flash of fear at the suggestion that Victor might leave. Victor catches it and holds onto the possibility of what it might mean. It’s the first sign of real emotion at Victor’s being there that Yuuri has allowed him to see, other than flustered or shy nervousness, and he latches onto it as a sign of hope. Perhaps Yuuri really does want him there after all.

And perhaps he can use it to his advantage.

He needs to give a program to Yuri, and he needs to bring out more of what Yuuri is stubbornly keeping hidden inside him. Already, even the hint Victor might not stay, is bringing something out, and he still has yet to work with Yuuri on the ice, where the man clearly excels. He is quite aware that even young Yuri has shown more than passing interest in the Japanese skater's abilities. If Victor can push Yuuri to express himself on the ice, that might be the starting point he needs.

From this, the plan almost makes itself and he feels quite pleased with the result as he announces his decision to the two young skaters.

 

* * *

 

The arrival of Yuri Plisetsky is one of the last things Yuuri expected but after dealing with the reality of Victor being there, it is far less a shock than it might have been otherwise. He's also just really eager to get back on the ice.

He surprises himself when he realizes that Yuri's antagonistic approach doesn't seem to bother him nearly as much this time as it had during their first meeting. Though being kicked to the ground is undeniably painful, the insults being thrown at him don't sting nearly so much. Despite the young skater's accusations, Yuuri knows Victor came for his own reasons. It isn't like he asked the man to come all the way to Japan and practically start living with him, Victor had done that all on his own, and clearly had his own reasons for that. Besides, Yuri may have caught him at one of his lowest points last time, but that is not all Yuuri is, there's more to himself and he knows it even if he can’t always believe it.

Walking out to the rink and seeing Victor on the ice, brings back that familiar thrill to his chest, it seems too perfect for words, especially when he hears the moves are some of his new choreography. But what the Russian Yuri tells him next, about Victor's struggles, that surprises him. He'd never thought Victor might worry about the future, or agonize over programs. He always seemed so perfectly put together and in control, like he had everything figured out and always knew exactly what his next step should be. He'd won so many times. But hearing that he is unsatisfied makes Yuuri start to look at that man out on the ice a little differently.

He doesn't have time to think about it for long though, because boy at his side clearly doesn't have the patience to just wait for Victor to finish.

By the end of the conversation that follows, Yuuri is not feeling nearly as confident as he had before entering the rink. He'd gotten there expecting to have his first real lesson with Victor and now he finds himself stuck with the prospect of competing against Yuri Plisetsky and the chance that Victor might simply be gone in a week.

Victor seems extremely pleased with the whole thing and Yuri doesn't seem concerned in the least, but Yuuri just feels a horrible sinking feeling starting to take over.

To make it worse, he doesn't even get to go on the ice. With the preliminary preparations for the event suddenly being planned, the rest of their reserved time at the rink gets taken up.

He does his best to ignore the still growing unease as they all head back to Yu-topia. He barely hears any of Yuri and Victor's conversation as they speak in a mix of English and Russian, though he does somehow manage to answer the few questions that are directed towards him.

He shouldn't have been surprised that Yuri would also be staying with them. His family is happy enough to accommodate the young skater, his sister even welcoming him enthusiastically, much to his surprise. But as he continues to watch the newly nicknamed Yurio and Victor as they converse easily, the tightness in his stomach only gets worse.

How can he ever compete against that? Yurio is young and incredibly talented, and already seems so at ease with the man Yuuri can barely have a normal conversation with. Besides, since Yuuri's already nearing the end of his career, how much more can he offer to Victor? Yurio is sure to have a long and successful career ahead of him, he's clearly confident and lacking all of Yuuri's many weaknesses, and if Victor works with him instead, he can go back home and avoid putting off his own career for the sake of someone like Yuuri. All things considered, Victor should go back.

But Yuuri can't help but think that he wants Victor to stay, that the idea of Victor staying to help him, in spite of all the reasons not to, is something he wishes for beyond words. He knows it’s selfish, but it’s a feeling even he can’t deny, he wants Victor to stay.

It's too much watching the two Russians together though, he needs to get away for a while and according to Victor's edict, he is allowed back on the ice now, so that's where he's going to go.

 

* * *

 

Victor can see that something is on Yuuri's mind throughout the evening, but he knows better than to say anything at this point. Still, he continues to watch him until he leaves the room after dinner. But as the evening passes and Yuuri doesn't come back he can't help worrying a little. Yurio is already asleep, the long trip from Russia clearly catching up with him, and should be fine on his own so he asks Mari.

At first he's conflicted about his decision to try to find Yuuri, clearly he wants to be alone, but a mix of curiosity, concern, and the idea that as his coach he should be able to keep better tabs on his student, know where he likes to go or what he usually does in his free time, and well, just make sure he's okay, finally convinces him to go out into the night in search of his student.

He looks for Minako first, before moving on to the rink where he indeed finds Yuuri, moving across the ice in simple practice patterns, looking more relaxed than Victor's ever seen him.

Talking to his friends he learns a lot that starts to finally explain the man that has so confounded him all this time. So many little things start to come together and make sense.

He leaves the rink, knowing now that Yuuri will be fine working through whatever is bothering him and his friends will watch over him. He takes his time heading back to Yu-topia letting himself process all the new information.

The evening brings back a memory he'd almost forgotten about. The events of the banquet had been so intense he'd almost completely forgotten about what had come before, the sadness and pain he'd glimpsed just after the competition. The isolated figure from the beginning of the banquet.

Obviously the man he danced with that night, drunk on who knows how much champagne, is not the person Yuuri is most of the time, or for most of the people who know him. In fact, it seems like no one here has likely ever seen that side of him. Even so, they seem to know there's more beneath that surface. It makes Victor feel a bit better knowing that it isn't just him Yuuri holds himself back from.

Victor does wonder about those who knew Yuuri while he was training in Detroit, but he's told Victor even fewer details about his life there than here.

Still, something in Victor seems to settle now that he has some insight into the enigma Yuuri has been since the start. He is truly the most frustratingly enticing mystery Victor has ever encountered and feeling like he might finally have a glimpse of the understanding he needs to move forward with this man, not only in getting to know him better, but to better be able to help him become the skater Victor knows he can be.

He spends the rest of the night pondering what he's learned, and by the time he goes to bed, he's decided on the first step towards Yuuri's transformation from his usual, adorable piglet form, to the prince that will sweep an audience off their feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'm looking forward to putting up the next couple chapters which are finally going to involve scenes not in the show. :D
> 
> Have a great day!


	6. How does one become the tastiest katsudon in the world?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri and Yurio get their new programs and training begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get out. I've got several projects going and had some recent changes with my job situation. Hopefully I can get the next part out sooner though. Hope you like this one, it leads into some new stuff I've got planned that was never in the show.

Yuuri sleeps better that night than he has in a while. He’d spent several hours on the ice, mostly just reacquainting himself with the feel of it again after the weeks away and it really helped to settle his mind as he contemplated the week ahead.

He wakes up full of resolve, ready to face the challenge ahead. The chance he has now, is too important for him to waste. After years of trying he has so little to show for all his effort, yet somehow he has Victor Nikiforov here now to give him another chance at being the kind of skater he's always wanted to be and if he wants to hold onto that opportunity, it is entirely up to him to make it happen. Sure, Yurio is young and talented but he's still at the beginning of his career, there's plenty of time for Victor to work with him someday, but this is likely Yuuri's last chance, it's now or never and he can't let the chance slip by, he has to keep Victor here.

These thoughts run through his head again and again through breakfast, on the way to the rink, and as he laces up his skates. He looks over at the young Russian skater that will soon be his opponent to remind himself that he can win, that this is his chance. He will win Victor as his coach and he will win the Grand Prix. He's ready.

 

 

The moment Yuuri comes out onto the ice Victor can see something is different, something in his expression, something in the way he stands. Victor can't help the small smile that forms when he sees the change, and it only bolsters his belief that his idea is going to work perfectly.

He's a little surprised when both of the skaters in front of him admit to having never thought about love before. It isn't so strange coming from the teen, but in Yuuri's case he wonders if it is just something else that can just be chocked up to his usual shyness and he just doesn't want to admit to anything more.

Or could it be that, despite his behavior at the banquet he really hasn't had much experience? It certainly would fit what he's learned of the young man since coming here. Either way, Victor just takes it all in stride and moves along to introduce the music to both the Yuri’s, watching their reactions closely.

It's unsurprising to see which piece each would likely choose for themselves, but that is why he has already decided how he is going to assign the arrangements and he enjoys the reactions to his announcements, but really, what did they expect? He's Victor Nikiforov and he thrives on defying expectations and he's not about to change that just because he's a coach now.

He takes Yurio's demands in stride but he's really more interested to see what Yuuri will do now, with this challenge before him, he wants to know what Yuuri will ask for, what will be motivating him, "What about you, Yuuri? What do you want if you win?" he asks with practiced nonchalance.

"I want to eat katsudon with you, Victor."

The words surprise him, but as Yuuri continues speaking Victor can't keep the smile from spreading across his face. This is exactly what he hoped to see, this determination, this drive and passion that he knew was in there, finally he has managed to draw some of it out. Not only that, Yuuri seems to practically be declaring that he wants Victor to stay and his heart pounds with joy to actually hear that. He can't wait to see where the next week will lead.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri has always gotten a little flutter of excitement whenever he gets to see Victor skate, whether it's on TV or live. This time is a little different though, the feeling seems to have spread out a little as he watches Victor prepare. This time Victor is skating to show them what they will soon be learning. They are the first to see this choreography and soon he and Yurio will begin to make it their own.

Yurio's arrangement is up first and when Victor is ready Yuuri presses play on the remote, eyes still locked on his idol in anticipation.

As the music starts and Victor begins to move it's all he can do to stand transfixed by the grace and elegance of the man on the ice. The movements of the choreography perfectly seem to convey the pure and transcendent nature of Agape´. It's clearly a challenging program, but Victor makes it look so effortless.

After the demonstration Yuuri feels the tension in himself increase even further. The next one is his piece, the choreography he will need to learn. Eros: a theme he'd never have considered for himself before, but will now have to find a way to master. He feels the sweat on his palms as he grips the remote, despite the surrounding cold as Victor asks him to start the music. This is it.

He takes in a breath and hits play, before turning all his focus to that figure standing like a Greek statue in the center of the ice.

He feels his pulse rise almost from the first movement. The room is suddenly too hot but his eyes never leave the dancing figure as if it is the only thing that exists in the world.

So this is Eros.

He comes to the distinct realization that whatever he though Eros was before, it was clearly a pale imitation to what he is seeing now. He feels that just watching this would be enough to cause spontaneous pregnancy. He's even starting to feel lightheaded.

"Yuuri"

Suddenly hearing his name causes him to start breathing again as he realizes Victor has finished.

"Did you get that?" Victor asks.

"Uh..." Yuuri tries to shake himself back to awareness, "Could you show me one more time?" he asks sheepishly, realizing he doesn't actually remember any of the particular moves he is supposed to be learning.

He hears Yurio scoff behind him but Victor just smiles and tells him to come out onto the ice to watch a little more closely. Yuuri hands the remote to Yuko and wipes the nervous sweat from his palms before doing as instructed.

He watches again as the music plays, doing his best to focus more closely on the choreography this time. It's definitely not going to be easy to get it right, but that isn't what has him the most concerned. Watching it again he gets a better sense of the overall flow and with it a story takes shape in his mind of a handsome playboy sweeping women off their feet before moving on to the next. By the end he has no idea how he will be able to portray the appropriate feeling, to tell the story the way it should be. Victor does it beautifully, of course, but Yuuri can't even begin to conceive of how he'll be able to do it justice. He’s never been anything like the playboy in his life, how is he supposed to imitate it on ice then?

He only feels more unsure of himself as Victor questions him. He tries to show confidence in his abilities, to reassure Victor that he's worthy of this chance, that he can learn the jumps, but there's nowhere to hide as Victor gets to the heart of the problem and Yuuri has to admit the truth of his lack of both confidence, and an understanding of eros.

"Well, it's my job to help you find confidence in yourself," Victor says, tone shifting subtley.

Yuuri looks up to meet Victor's eyes, but finds the man standing so much closer than he had been a few moments ago.

He suddenly can't breath and he barely hears Victor's next words, too distracted by the thumb tracing along his lower lip, the light grip on his chin, Victor's face so close Yuuri can feel his breath ghosting across his skin as he looks straight into the impossibly blue pools of Victor's eyes. He can't move. He can't think. What is happening?

And then a shout from the sidelines and Victor is pulling back again. Time seems to restart and the air finally flows back into Yuuri's lungs. Heart pounding, skin hot, Yuuri does his best to get his grip on reality back.

"So, Yuuri," Victor says turning back to him, "Think long and hard about what eros is to you."

His first thought at those words are just confusion, he has no idea what eros might mean. His next thought as he finally heads back out of the rink is: Victor is eros, Victor is everything eros should be. He shakes his head as he unlaces his skates, he isn’t Victor and he knows he could never be anything close, he has to find his own eros, he has to find his own way to become the playboy in the story, he can't just keep copying Victor anymore, he has to do more if he's going to win next week, much less the Grand Prix.

He spends the rest of the day contemplating the subject. He even tells Takeshi about his dilemma but that doesn't help at all.

He tries thinking back to the all but non-existent dating life he had in university and finds little inspiration there either. It isn't that he's _never_ considered such things, but it just never seemed to be a real priority.

In the afternoon Victor calls him back to the ice and Yuuri pushes the question out of his mind so he can focus on learning the choreography. It's his first real taste of Victor as a coach and it proves to be a bit of a wake up call. The usually exuberant and easygoing manner is replaced with that of a strict and exacting taskmaster who drills Yuuri until he could have performed the moves in his sleep. There will still be a lot of work needed to refine the program but that would start the next day.

Once the choreography is done, Victor has Yuuri perform various jumps to get an idea of what his abilities are. He manages to do fine with the triple axel and quad toe loop, but everything else is a disaster. Yuuri'd hoped he could have landed at least one quad salchow for Victor but nerves get the better of him, as usual, and the best he'd manages is to keep his feet by putting a hand down on the ice, and that was only once. Still, it’s better than most of the other jumps he attempts. Even so, Victor tells him not to worry about any new jumps that week and just focus on what he already has solid.

Yuuri nods, outwardly accepting the instruction, but inside feeling like he has to do more, he has to find a way to get the salchow down, in order to truly prove himself.

Once Victor declares practice over he’s exhausted. It’s been a long time since he’s trained that hard and his body is already feeling it, feet aching, no longer used to such treatment after such a long break.

Despite the tiredness, his brain soon returns to the question of eros. He has less than a week to discover what it means to him and then figure out how to express that in his skating, so he needs to figure it out as soon as possible.

Tired and still struggling with the concept of eros, he hardly notices as Yurio follows him to the onsen that evening, joining him in the bath. He’s so lost in his thoughts, combined with the day of hard training that he barely registers Yurio’s presence even once they are in the bath, soaking in silence, but since the teen seems equally uninclined to speak to Yuuri, he continues to contemplate the problem in silence, but for the soft sound of the water around them.

Soaking in the hot water only seems to increase Yuuri’s frustrations, however. At 23, shouldn't he have some idea of what eros is? But he just can't seem to properly connect with the concept.

Even when Victor suddenly joins them, smiling and naked and wanting to take a photo for some reason, Yuuri’s so distracted, or maybe it’s just that he’s so tired, it affects him far less than it usually would. Surprisingly unbothered by the other man’s presence for once, he remains in the bath longer as well, only half listening to Victor’s cheerful babble as they continue to soak.

Walking in to dinner later that evening, he just frowns when he sees his dish: a pile of vegetables sitting sadly next to two beautiful bowls of katsudon. God he loves katsudon. He sits heavily into his place at the table, and just stares at the plate of vegetables in a kind of daze. His tired brain now goes back and forth between pondering eros and fantasizing about how he might be able to steal Yurio's still untouched bowl only a few inches away.

And that's when the realization hits him.

 

 

Yuuri's sudden announcement at dinner, is certainly not what Victor had been expecting, but that seems to be becoming a bit of a trend lately. Somehow the young man manages to defy expectation in all the most frustrating ways.

Although, he was pleased that Yuuri had, at least, not run away that morning. It was progress, but still a far cry from inspiring Yuuri towards eros. He knew it was a gamble, even as he'd reached out to finally touch that enticingly soft skin again, but he just hadn't been able to help himself, not after seeing Yuuri's reaction to his demonstration of the Eros choreography. He hadn't realized how much he wanted to see a glimmer of that hungry look in the young man's eyes again, wanted to remind Yuuri of the confidence he is capable of, because Victor certainly remembers.

He’d even hoped something in the actual moves from the choreography might spark a reaction, the whole piece had been inspired by their dance after all, but if Yuuri recognized any of it, he either didn’t show it or it was lost in the wave of nervousness that seemed to come over him as soon as the demonstration was finished.

Even though Yuuri hadn't run from him this time, Victor knew better by now than to push it any further at the time, and allowed Yurio to reclaim his attention despite the rather attractive flush to Yuuri's skin that tempted his focus to remain where it was.

Working with Yurio on the Agape´ choreography went about as he expected. The boy is very skilled but it felt like he was attacking the performance with every movement, he really needs to achieve some level of calm if he is ever going to embody a feeling like unconditional love.

Yuuri had introduced Victor to the local temple the week before and it had quickly become one of Victor's favorite places to go on his own now. Something about the atmosphere there really helped him to relax, so he decided that the place might do Yurio some good as well.

Victor had gone almost every day since discovering the place, it was the perfect place to think. Hasetsu was a great place but this is still the first time he's been away from St. Petersburg for so long and he hasn't been able to help a few pangs of homesickness now and then. At least he has Makkachin to keep him company.

Of course, the real difficulty is dealing with the distance Yuuri is still keeping between them, he’s often still so unsure whether Yuuri really wants him there. It had actually been a huge relief to hear Yuuri say he wanted to eat katsudon with Victor the day before, to hear him actually express his desire for Victor to stay, to see that determination in his eyes as he declared he would win, Victor could have hugged him then and there if he didn't think it would probably frighten Yuuri off again.

Of course, hearing that Yuuri associates eros with his favorite food, of all things, is not quite the result he'd hoped for, but once he’d gotten over the initial shock he figured it was best to just go with it and see where it takes them. Perhaps it's just another result of how painfully shy Yuuri can be sometime. Who knows, perhaps the image of tantalizing katsudon will evolve into something else over time, and he has to admit, the dish does taste amazing. For now he is determined to see that Yuuri becomes the tastiest katsudon ever.

As they begin the serious training and preparation for the upcoming event, he also finds he is becoming quite grateful that Yurio showed up, it seems to be just what was needed after the last few weeks of Victor's failure to connect with Yuuri and the uncomfortable distance he couldn't find a way to bridge. Having the younger skater around is already changing the dynamic between them somewhat. He can't help but notice that Yuuri is both more focused and more relaxed. He thinks Yurio too is going to benefit from the experience, the kid definitely needs to learn how to approach things differently if he is ever going to reach his potential. Besides, he's had the feeling the teen has even been an admirer of Yuuri's for a while now. If they can motivate and inspire each other, maybe they can both get what they need from this challenge.

For the next couple of days all focus goes towards refining the routines, practicing all the elements, and all the usual training that goes along with preparation for competition. Both Yuris are making progress, though he can see they are still struggling with the core ideas behind their programs. Perhaps it would be good for them to take a step back and do something else.

 

* * *

 

"What do you mean?" Yuuri asks Victor who's standing in front of him looking expectant.

"I think we could all use a little break from routine, I want to end practice a little early today so we can all go do something fun, so what's something fun you, Yurio, and I can all do together this evening?"

The question catches him off guard, but despite the casual tone, he can tell Victor is serious. He considers the request for a few moments, "Do you mind if I think about it a little?"

"Of course," the other man smiles cheerfully, "I want to finish around three or four, so you have till then."

"Ok," Yuuri answers with a nod.

Victor lifts a hand and squeezes Yuuri's shoulder briefly, "Perfect, I look forward to it, you know all the best things to do in Hasetsu." The smile on Victor's face widens slightly before he removes his hand and moves back out onto the ice. "Ok, let's get started!" He shouts, back to business.

Yuuri can't think much about it while practicing with Victor but when he goes out for a jog later he lets his mind ponder the question.

The request had come as a surprise but since Yurio's arrival he realizes that he hasn't really spent any time with Victor outside the rink, other than exhausted meals, and he finds he actually misses it. As nervous as he always gets, he really enjoys seeing the Victor that exists away from the ice and media attention.

Yuuri breathes in the fresh spring air as he jogs through his hometown. The weather has been particularly nice the last couple days, so it might be nice to do something outside, but what?

As he jogs across the beach he remembers a certain stash he’d found in one of the closets back at Yu-topia, and he knows exactly what they can do. He feels the smile spread across his face as he thinks about it. He's pretty sure Yurio will enjoy it and he knows Victor is going to love it. It isn't really that hard to please Victor actually, but somehow Yuuri is sure this will be a little more special.

 

 

"Alright, we're done for the day," Victor announces, a little after three.

"What?" Yurio says loudly, "You're not going to make me go to the temple again are you?" he says glaring at Victor skeptically.

"No, you can go to the temple tomorrow," Victor smiles, causing Yurio to growl. "Tonight we're going to do something fun. Yuuri's planned something special for us, haven't you Yuuri?" Victor says, turning to look at the man in question.

"Yes," he responds, nodding simply as Victor skates over to where he's standing by the rink.

"So, what do you have planned, Yuuri?" Victor’s smile is warm and expectant as he leans on the wall and takes a drink from his water bottle, eyes still on Yuuri.

That sparkling blue gaze always seems to trigger a blush and the intense urge to look anywhere but at the man watching him, but Yuuri does his best to meet those eyes when he answers.

"It's a surprise," he manages to get out, "We're going out somewhere but I need to get some stuff ready back at Yu-topia, so you have a little time for a bath first if you want," he tells them both, turning his eyes to the younger skater, relieved to have an excuse to look somewhere else for a moment.

"I love surprises," Victor’s smile grows with his eagerness, "I can't wait to see what you have planned."

Yuuri can't help smiling back, "I think you'll like it," he says back quietly, nerves coming back hard.

"I'm sure I will," Victor assures him with a grin, looking at him until Yuuri turns away, unable to maintain the eye contact anymore.

"Oi! What are you two waiting for? Let's get out of this place!" Yurio shouts at them as he leaves the ice, heading out of the rink without a backward glance.

Yuuri looks over and sees Victor still looking at him. He swallows down the nervousness, "We should go," he says and follows Yurio, forcing himself not to look back and see if those blue eyes are still on him.

 

 

A couple hours later Yuuri has everything ready and waiting in the entrance and is just waiting for the others to join him. He does a double take when Victor enters the room though because instead of being dressed in his usual relaxed clothes, he's wearing a clean white button-down and simple but nice black slacks.

"Uh, Victor? Why are you dressed like that?" Yuuri asks. The man undoubtedly looks amazing in the simple but classy ensemble but Yuuri has no idea what prompted him to dress up.

"Well, you said we were going out, I thought I'd dress up for the special plans you've made for us," he answers with a smile and a wink.

Yuuri just stares, stunned for a heartbeat, before he recovers himself, "Umm, I actually meant we're going to be going outside, you might want to wear something you wouldn't mind getting dirty, just in case."

The other man seems to consider this for a moment, "No, I'm sure it'll be fine," he decides with a smile.

Yuuri looks at him a moment more, trying to decide if he should say something else but that's when Yurio strolls in, "Where are we going then? We're getting food right? I'm starving."

"Actually we're bringing food with us," Yuuri tells them, indicating a large bag next to him, "My mom packed up a bunch of food for us to take."

"What's in the other bag?" Victor asks, indicating a large duffle next to the food bag.

"Some supplies, and also a surprise I have for you," Yuuri answered with a small smile.

"But where are we going?" the teen demands again.

"The beach."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate every kudo, comment, and even just that you dropped by!
> 
> I'm really looking forward to sharing the next chapter since it's something that was never part of the show. 
> 
> I hope you all have a great day!


	7. You shine so bright, lets fill the darkness with light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri, Victor, and Yurio enjoy an evening at the beach together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! I'm so sorry this has taken so long for me to update, I really wanted to get a new chapter up sooner but so many other things just seemed to come up first. I really hope to have the next update up much sooner.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter as I finally delve into things we never got to see in the show itself. This particular chapter is based off the shots in the end credits where they are running along the beach with fireworks. Technically, this scene never actually happened, according to creators, but I wanted to make it happen anyway, so I did. I hope you enjoy!

The sun is already getting low by the time they reach the beach, but Victor’s pretty sure they still have plenty of time to eat before it goes down completely. It isn't a large beach but since it isn’t really the beach season yet, there's no one there when they arrive so they’ll likely have the whole area to themselves.

He loves the beach here, the sound of the waves against the shore is so relaxing and the sound of the gulls reminds him of home.

He helps Yuuri spread a large tarp out over a smooth area of sand a good distance away from the water before setting things out for their beach picnic. Yurio wanders off towards the water while Victor stays to help Yuuri set everything up. Yuuri begins passing him various things from the bag, as the multitude of delicious aromas assault his senses, making his mouth water.

"Your mom is such a great cook, Yuuri, everything she makes tastes like it came straight from heaven," he tells the man beside him.

Yuuri stops what he's doing and briefly looks at Victor with a smile that makes his heart skip a beat.

"I'm glad you like it, though I'm sure you're used to even better food," Yuuri says, a slight blush coloring his cheeks in a most becoming way.

"Nonsense, home-cooked meals are always the best, and I barely cook, so eating like this is quite a luxury for me," Victor says, inhaling deeply from the container he's holding.

"Really?" the other man asks, the surprise showing in his face.

"Yeah," Victor replies, turning and looking into the brown eyes that are finally pointed his way but careful not to hold the gaze too long, knowing it won’t take much before Yuuri will begin to get embarrassed and put all those walls back up if he does. "It always feels like too much effort to spend a lot of time cooking just for myself, so usually I go out, pick something up, or just order in,“ he says as he goes back to setting things out on the tarp. "What about you, do you cook?"

"Sometimes," Yuuri says, "When I lived in Detroit I'd cook for me and my roommate, or sometimes we'd cook together, he taught me to cook a few Thai dishes."

"That sound fun," Victor says, glancing over at Yuuri again. It's the first time Yuuri has really opened up to him about himself and his life, and even though it's such a simple thing Victor feels like he could dance in celebration then and there. Instead he simply says, "I bet you're a good cook."

He can see the blush creep in along the other man's cheeks, even from the corner of his eye.

"Not really," comes the shy reply, "I'm nothing like my mom, anyway," he says with a nervous laugh that sends tingles down Victors back.

"Your mom is an amazing cook, which is why I'm sure your good," he says, looking back in Yuuri's direction again. "I bet you picked up some good cooking genes from her," he says with a wink, when Yuuri finally meets his eyes again.

Yuuri just blinks in response, and before he can reply Victor says, "So is this everything?" He gestures to the food and dishes all set out now.

"Um, yeah," Yuuri answers, "It should be."

"Great," he says and then proceeds to shout loudly across the beach to Yurio who is still busy collecting shells or stones or something.

"Hey! My name's not Yurio. Get it through your thick skull old man," the boy growls back as he walks up and joins them on the tarp, "What are we eating anyway?"

Victor hands the teen a plate and Yuuri points out all the various dishes to Yurio, explaining anything new. The teen decides to have some of everything so he serves portions of each of the dishes onto the empty plate before moving on to serve Victor. Once he’s finished, he starts serving himself when Victor stops him.

"Let me do that," Victor says, taking the serving chopsticks out of the other man's hands, "Isn't it impolite to let someone serve themselves, in Japanese culture?" he asks, casually as he picks up some vegetables and puts them on Yuuri's plate.

"You don't have to," Yuuri says, and Victor can almost hear him blushing.

"But I want to, especially after all the work you did to put all this together for us," he tells Yuuri, looking at him for a moment before going back to serving the food. He knows he’s a little slow, since he's not nearly as proficient at using chopsticks as Yuuri is, but he's actually enjoying himself a lot.

"I didn't really do that much," Yuuri protests, "My mom made all the food," he says with a shrug, looking down. He sees a few gyoza now being put on his plate, "Hey, I'm not supposed to be eating those, right?"

"You can tonight," Victor says, looking up again, "It's a special occasion, after all."

He's rewarded when Yuuri looks up and meets his eyes again, giving him one of those rare shy smiles, "Thanks."

"Better not pig," Yurio interjects, mouth full of food, "you'll get too heavy to jump if you do."

Victor doesn’t miss the slight flinch this triggers in Yuuri, face falling into a frown which he covers quickly, moving his plate away before Victor can place anything else on it.

He frowns too, not liking to see the mood so quickly dampened, “A couple of gyoza will hardly make a difference,” he says trying to remain nonchalant, but hoping to reassure Yuuri. “Bring your plate back here, Yuuri. You should have some of these pickled daikon, and isn’t the burdock supposed to be really good for you?”

He holds out the chopsticks with the pieces of daikon held suspended in them, waiting expectantly for Yuuri to look up again. Once Yuuri’s looking at him again he begins to stretch out his arm at a rather awkward angle in an attempt to reach Yuuri’s plate, forcing Yuuri to either move his plate closer or let Victor lose his balance and drop the food.

Yuuri chooses the former and Victor is able to place the food neatly on the plate, giving the young man a bright smile before serving Yuuri the rest of the various dishes.

“Hey, give me some more while your at it,” Yurio demands the moment Yuuri takes his plate back again.

“As you wish,” he smiles despite the rudeness, refilling the teen’s plate again.

“You’re welcome,” he says with a slight shake of his head, watching the boy immediately start shoving more food in his mouth.

The meal passes quite pleasantly after that, as Victor enthusiastically compliments every dish and they take turns serving each other, though most of the food just goes to Yurio, until all the food is gone.

“That was wonderful Yuuri, thank you!” Victor says, leaning back and looking out at the horizon in the quickly fading light.

 

Yuuri looks over at Victor and can’t help a smile at seeing the content look on Victor’s face.

“There’s something else too, for after the sun sets,” he says, in what he hopes is a casual tone, “Let me finish cleaning up and I’ll show you.”

Yuuri starts a little when Victor suddenly moves forward to help out, “Come on Yurio, help clean up so we can see what else Yuuri has for us.”

“My name isn’t Yurio,” the team grumbles but soon starts gathering the used dishes and helping to separate the trash.

A few minutes later, their meal is cleaned up and everything is put away so Yuuri grabs the other bag that he’d set off to the side, opening it up and pulling out a variety of brightly colored packages containing the fireworks.

He'd found a stash of last year's leftover fireworks in one of the storage closets the week before and, once he'd checked with his mother that it was okay to use them, had put a number of the smaller ones and most of the sparklers into a bag for them to have fun with that evening.

It isn't the season for fireworks, summer is really the best time, but the weather is nice and it will be something fun to do outdoors. He'd also wanted to find something Yurio might actually enjoy, and Yuuri had always really liked fireworks at that age, and even though he didn’t get to enjoy them as often anymore, he still likes them a lot.

He knows Victor will like almost anything and by the brilliant smile on the man's face he can tell this will certainly be a hit.

"Huh, What are these?" Yurio asks, picking up one of the many packages of rainbow colored sticks.

"Those are fireworks you can hold in your hand, they're really fun," Yuuri answers. "There's different colors and sizes we can try, but I like the big ones best, they last a lot longer."

"But don't they explode?"

"No, nothing here explodes and these just make bright sparks,” Yuuri explains.

 

Victor watches, a smile on his face, as Yuuri sorts through the different fireworks and Yurio is looking at some of the packages skeptically.

“I think I played with something like this once, a long time ago, it was fun, I’m sure you’ll like them Yurio,” he says picking up a couple of the packages himself, studying the colorful pictures and unfamiliar writing all over them, “When can we start lighting them?”

Yuuri looks up, checking the light around them. The light is fading quickly now. There’s still enough light to see by but probably not for much longer.

“Hmmm, it should be dark enough really soon, maybe another fifteen minutes? What do you guys want to start with? I thought maybe the sparkler sticks first and if we get tired, we can try some of the fountains.”

“That sounds perfect,” Victor responds, his smile growing at the prospect, “What do we use to light them? Did you bring a lighter?”

Yuuri smiles a little at the eager questions, “I have a lighter, but if you want we can build a small fire, it’s a lot easier if we want to do this many sparklers.”

“We can build a fire?” Yurio asked, a look of excitement in his eyes, “Let’s do it!” he exclaims when Yuuri nods, causing the young man to give a small laugh at Yurio’s obvious eagerness.

It sends a little shiver through Victor to hear it, since it isn’t something Yuuri does around him all that often. He is more glad than ever now that he’d suggested they all do something together, it’s nice to see Yuuri really start to relax a little.

Yuuri takes out a small bundle of wood from the bag the fireworks had been in, as well as a long lighter, and a small bottle of what is probably some kind of lighter fluid. He stands up then, leaving the tarp behind to find a good spot for the fire.

Before Victor can stand to follow, Yurio has already leapt up and is trailing close behind Yuuri. Gratified to see the teen so into the activity as well, he takes his time catching up to the two.

When he gets to them they are both crouched in the sand, digging a small pit into the damp ground.

“Are you sure it’s big enough?” Yurio asks, a hint of displeasure in his voice, as he continues shaping the sand into a small bowl shape.

“Yeah, we don’t have a lot of wood so we want to keep the fire pretty small, this should be fine for what we want,” Yuuri answers patiently.

Victor just stands back and watches quietly as the two work setting up the small fire pit.

“Can I light it?” the teen asks as Yuuri pulls out the lighter.

Yuuri pauses a second before handing over the lighter, “Just be careful.”

Victor half expects Yuri to say something snarky at the warning, but apparently the kid is too engrossed in what he’s doing to do anything but nod as he places the small flame next to the kindling and watching it catch, slowly spreading to the larger sticks. Yuuri hands over a couple of the larger pieces of wood for the teen to place on the fire himself before turning to look at Victor, meeting his eyes.

Victor smiles at the younger man who suddenly flushes and turns back towards the fire before standing up and stepping back, avoiding Victor’s gaze again, “Um, I think everything’s ready.”

“Good, I think it’s dark enough, don’t you? Let’s get the fireworks.”

Yuuri looks at him with a nod and they head back to the tarp where all the fireworks are still scattered across the surface.

“Which ones should we do first?”

Victor picks up one of the smaller packages, “Why don’t we start with the small ones, and save the biggest and best for last?”

They start by opening up a few of the packages and lay out the fireworks so they’ll be easy to grab, before each taking a small handful and heading back to the fire where Yurio is still poking at the flames with a long stick.

"Are you ready, Yurio?" Victor asks the teen, holding out one of the fireworks for him to take.

He hears some grumbling that sounds suspiciously like 'not Yurio' before the kid stands and takes the stick with a swift motion.

"You sure it doesn't explode?" he asks, looking at the stick, turning it in his hand.

“It won’t,” Yuuri answers, a small smile gracing his lips, “just a lot of bright sparks, don’t worry.”

“Just put the end in the fire and pull it out when it starts sparking,” Victor tells him trying not to laugh at how closely the teen is studying the small firework he’s holding.

“I know what to do old man,” he retorts with a glare.

“Excellent,” Victor smiles back, “than why don’t we start together?”

He waits, looking at each as they acknowledge the plan with a short nod before leaning forward towards the small fire, readying the firework. On his right, Yuuri does the same, and on his left Yurio too extends his arm towards the flame, the other hand ready with a finger to close his ear should a bang actually occur.

“Ready?” They nod. “One. Two. Three…”

The tips of the three fireworks are put into the glowing heat and a moment later sparks begin to fly as their arms pull back into the darkness, illuminating the shadows around them with trails of light.

“Try writing your name Yurio,” Victor says to the boy who’s still staring in fascination at the sparking tendril in his hand.

Victor is halfway through doing just that when he catches sight of Yuuri, waving his arm in what seems to be an elaborate dance, apparently writing his own name in its intricate kanji form, a look of soft happiness in his eyes Victor has never seen before.

He doesn’t even realize his own hand has stopped moving as he stares until he catches another movement on his other side.

“Oi, Victor, give me more.”

“There’s more on the tarp.”

“Good, then you can get some more while I take these,” Yurio calls back after snatching the extra fireworks Victor had been holding right out of his hand.

“Here, take these.”

Victor turned to see Yuuri handing him a small bundle of the sparklers, a second one already lit in his other hand.

“When I was a kid I always tried keep at least one lit until there were no more, you should light one quickly, yours is almost out.”

Victor could feel the happiness fill him at the proffered items, taking them with a brilliant smile, “Thank you, Yuuri!”

“No problem,” came the reply paired with a bashful but genuine smile before the other man turns back for the tarp to collect more of the fireworks for himself.

Victor hurries to light another and looks around to see Yurio running along the beach with three lit fireworks, leaving streaks of brilliant light trailing after him.

 

Coming back with a new handful of fireworks in his hand, Yuuri smiles to see the two Russians dashing along the beach, chasing each other with trails of sparks glittering around them, flickering brilliance illuminating smiles and laughter that warm the coolness of the otherwise empty beach.

Yurio makes a grab for Victor’s extra fireworks, but this time the taller man is ready, lifting both hands over his head out of the teen’s reach while dancing away down the beach, laughing at the blond’s frustration.

It takes a few moments for Yuuri to realize that Yurio is now running in his direction, but a moment before the teen can catch him he leaps up out of the way and twists mid-air holding the fireworks away from the reaching hands of the over-eager teen, before running away, hearing the growl of frustration behind him. He waits until Yurio is heading for the tarp, finally giving up on stealing their fireworks, before he goes back to the fire to light more of the sparking sticks, determined not to go dark before all the fireworks are gone.

Yurio returns a few seconds later, dumping a small pile of the sparklers on the sand a few feet from the fire where they’ll be easier to get before lighting several of the sticks, and with three in each hand goes streaking down the beach with a shout.

The minutes pass in a frenzy of light and color, shouts and laughter as they leap and dance and dash across the cool sand. The cooling air around them a welcome balm against the flush of exertion as they light new fireworks to replace those that have faded back into the darkness, holding the night at bay a little longer with the streaking brilliance

Yuuri finds his eyes frequently drawn to the reflection of light off of silver as he watches Victor dance and twirl on the sand almost as gracefully as he does on the ice. He wonders how on earth this can possibly be real even as the man hands him a couple more sparklers to replace the ones going dark in his hand, a light brush of fingers against his own at the exchange that almost sends him jumping back in shock, but somehow Yuuri manages to hold his ground to take the bright offering without dropping them.

Slowly the pile of fireworks dwindles and the mound of used remnants grows. Yurio runs out first, even with the ones both Victor and Yuuri have given him throughout the night.

Yuuri and Victor each hold out their last one waiting to see which one will go out first, silence now as they wait for the results of this undeclared contest.

“Hah!” Yurio shouts as Victor’s sparkler dies about five seconds before Yuuri’s does, the teen enjoying the older skater’s loss.

But when Yuuri looks up in the last of his firework’s light, he sees Victor’s eyes on him, a warm smile that causes his heart to stutter a bit before the sparks finally go out, the darkness hiding the color of Yuuri’s now flushed cheeks.

He blinks into the dark, trying to get his eyes to adjust after all the bright flashes have left lingering streaks of color across his now darkened vision.

“Hey, there’s still more fireworks right?” he hears Yurio ask a little ways off.

“Yes, I put them all back in the bag earlier but you can get them out if you want.”

He hears the boy move off, the slight hint of his silhouette becoming visible as his eyes continue to adjust.

“So, I guess you won,” Victor’s voice calls his attention back the other way.

He can see the dim light reflecting off the man’s pale skin and hair giving him a kind of ethereal glow so that he has to wonder yet again how Victor can even be real.

“What do you get for having the last sparker to go out? Is there a prize?”

He can’t quite see it, but Yuuri is almost sure he can _hear_ the other man smiling. “Not really, it’s just a silly game,” he answers with a shrug that Victor probably can’t even see.

“Hmm, well, I still think congratulations are in order.”

A moment later he feels arms wrap around him. He stiffens in surprise for a moment but when he realizes it’s just Victor hugging him he relaxes into the hold, kind of enjoying the familiar gesture. The arms around him tighten slightly and before he lets himself really think it through he puts his arms around Victor lightly, returning the hug for the very first time.

“Congratulations,” Victor’s voice says quietly somewhere near his ear. A moment later the man gives a slight squeeze before pulling away, holding Yuuri by the shoulders at arms length as his arms return to his side, Victor’s smile now visible even in the darkness.

“Th– thanks,” Yuuri manages to say, finally stepping out of Victor’s hold on him, heart beating strangely fast.

They both turn when Yurio starts shouting at them again, clearly eager to get started on the last of the fireworks.

With the sparklers gone, all that remains is the small collection of fountains Yuuri had also brought along. With just a few instructions, Yuuri let’s Yurio take charge of lighting the fountains as he and Victor sit on the tarp to watch as the teen starts the first fountain, the glow of the lighter’s flame appearing in the dark several seconds before a shower of sparks rise into the air with a slight hiss of the burning chemicals. Yuuri had been careful not to bring any of the noisy fireworks so as not to disturb anyone who might be nearby.

They sit in silence for a while just watching the the brilliant lights as they flashed and flickered into the air before arcing back to the earth.

Even after the unexpected hug, it’s a relaxed and comfortable silence, and if Yuuri is honest, it's the most comfortable he's felt in Victor's presence since the man had arrived.

“This was a great idea Yuuri, I had so much fun tonight.”

He can tell Victor is looking at him but can’t bring himself to turn and see for himself, afraid to disturb the tenuous ease he's feeling in the company of his idol by facing him directly. “I’m glad you liked it, I haven’t done something like this in years.”

“I hope we can do it again sometime.”

Yuuri pulls his knees up to his chest, arms folding across the top so he can hide his face behind them and cover the smile that rose unbidden at the words.

“I hope so too,” he manages to reply back a few moments later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, thank you so much for reading!
> 
> If your are liking this story, I'd really appreciate it if you let me know! I feel unsure if people are interested in fics like this these days since there are probably quite a few canon retellings at this point. I'm mostly working on this for myself, but I have questioned if it's worth spending time on or if I should focus on other projects people will be more interested in. So, if you are enjoying this so far and are interested in seeing more, just leave a small comment to let me know, if you can. I'll definitely continue if there are some people who are into this.
> 
> Thank you so much for your support if you've read this far!! I hope you have a great day wherever you are!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I'd love to hear if you enjoyed any part of this and let me know if there's something you hope will be included. I have a lot of ideas but there's still a lot for me to decide on.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [@mayonaka-no-tenshi](https://mayonaka-no-tenshi.tumblr.com) and [@mayonaka_no_yoi](https://mayonaka-no-yoi.tumblr.com) for YOI only content.


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